It Feels like the End

Okay.So i've noticed i've been blogging a lot about negative things.So, now i'll try being optimistic.Okay, i'll list down at least 3 good thoughts about today:

• My Life is Over.
• My Life is Over.
• My Life is TOTALLY Over.

So much for being an optimist.

Urgh.Fucker.I mean, don't you think it's a bit conceited of you to think that i actually like you? That i actually stalk you? YEAH RIGHT.

For what i know is, I like your friend.Not you.

Oh now you're calling me a stalker.Yeah.Great.I don't think it was actually necessary of you to make parinig that i'm your so called "stalker". I think you've got this all wrong.It's my friend who's crazy over you to the point that i had to be the one that looked like your stalker.I'm just a good friend, that's all.Yeah i do favors for them even if i have to appear like a fool.It just so happened that you have mistaken me for an obsessed stalker of yours.She was just desperate for info.And pictures.

Whatever.

And Darren has been asking me lots of weird awkward questions lately.And about Apollo, i think it's just some mere infatuation.Okay, so it was a crush.But screw it.I don't want to like him.I'm not really heartbroken.I just thought that maybe he was just some distraction.Just so that i could forget about Lindt.But it was fun while it lasted.He made my days at least worth living.I don't really know.Maybe he's just short term.Maybe.And okay, fine, i admit, it had something to do with a while ago.And his crap ass conceited friend.

And the days have been worth living too.I'm starting to feel...light.I hope this goes on.But there's still this distracting voice in my head which i can't seem to figure out.It's that tiny little voice that's trying to tell you something you can't seem to understand.I really can't.Maybe it's just my Insecurities.Or the feeling of Inferiority.Or Stupidity.Haha.Whatever.

Another Day, Another Casualty.

I'm blogging for the sake of updating.Our computer's hopeless.

So the week has been an emotional one.Well, emotional than the usual i guess.I broke my record.Three days, consecutively.And the last 2 days were the same, only, i got sick and tired of it so i stopped myself.

I haven't been seeing Apollo around either.Why is he not around when i need him the most? The week was hellish because he hasn't been around, and without him around, i have no whatsoever source of feeling better.His comforting aura is the only thing keeping me sane.It's like he's Jacob.I tried looking for him everywhere, the usual places he goes to, but i don't see him there anymore.Ugh.Suckage.Maybe i shouldn't get too attached to him.I didn't even see him in the Institutional Mass this morning.Ugh.

And...I still believe that i have the right to be happy.I really am tired and sick of this.So now, i'm doing all that i can to stop it.I'll try.I'll try not to get myself too affected.I'll learn to control myself.I'll learn to be happy again.

And maybe i do hate being alone.I know i've grown used to it and i don't really care if people see me as a loner, but, when i'm alone, i feel empty.Or if not, i feel like drowning in this pool of Misery, Frustration, Loneliness, Hurt, Depression, Emptiness, Coldness and such.It's like, i'm so Fragile and Vulnerable to such things when i'm alone.And the feeling Literally drives you crazy.All your insecurities, problems and paranoia crash down on you in an instant.

It also sucks because you keep it to yourself and no one else knows about it but you.You secretly cry at night and listen to Emo depressing kind of songs because no one else understands except the music that you desperately hold on to.You listen to your friends' problems when you're the one here who suffers silently.No one understands and no one would listen.You bottle up the emotions and you keep a strong nonchalant facade.But even the best fall down sometimes.You might appear strong but deep inside, you're just like everyone else.

Sometimes, you just wish someone could just break down your facade.

Hhhmm.I should surround myself with happy, positive people and those who have a good aura.It will make me feel an awful lot better.You guys might not know it but you're sunshine-y attitude on life can actually help us pessimistic people in a whole lot of ways you wouldn't imagine.Every little action you do helps us a lot.And i mean it.Look how you guys can brighten someone's day just by giving them a nice warm smile, It makes them feel loved and at home, the feeling they don't usually get.They need people like you to understand them.It's all we need.Someone who would have deep sympathy for us and willingly listen and understand people like us.

Right.So off to another less depressing topic, i've been people watching a lot lately.It's been really amusing.I read Blink and i got amused with it too.I want to read minds, it's awesome.People watching is fun.I can tell if a person's faking a smile or if it's genuine.I'm still studying how to read faces and palmistry.I really am into this psychology thing.I watch every person's single move and i get to know more about them.I observe the most simplest things and they help me a lot in getting to know more about this person.It's been the reason why i've been so quiet nowadays, i'm too busy observing people.It like, gives me a glimpse of who they really are and what they're up to.

I'm off.I'll listen to more happy songs.Promise.And i guess i'm not the only one.

"Those who know how to die, know how to live" -Some quote i saw.I am so getting myself into quotes right now.I'll be needing them.And i'll be reading the Bible for inspirational crap.No seriously.

It'd be so Easy to Lose Myself to You

I don't know.

For some weird reason, i'm feeling extremely sensitive and sympathetic today. I pity the STAPs. I HATE MY CLASS. That's official. They have no whatsoever RESPECT. I totally felt what it was like being disrespected even if i wasn't an STAP. And today, i felt like i was useless, worthless, like people are just using me, like i'm a piece of shit.

I completely had a mixed range of emotions today.I was pissed, confused, frustrated, sympathetic, depressed, lonely and hurt all at the same time.Believe me, i cracked.I felt like being masochistic too sometime during the day.

It's just that, i have this friend, and he's an asshole.The popularity's getting into his head.It's like i'm not one of his real friends anymore just because he's having such great popular friends.Like he'd rather choose them over us.And
he doesn't respect me, He's OVERLY ANNOYING AND DOWNRIGHT RUDE.Completely not a gentleman.And to think that was his new year's resolution.Tsk tsk.And also another friend of mine is changing into someone worse, y know, he used to be a gentleman but now...idk.

I felt sympathy for the STAPs.Especially Mico.Yeah i know, and to think i was one of those who find him overly irritating.At times.Well, today, that changed.I completely felt so sorry for him.Our class was being so notorious and disrespectful and gawdammit, I HATE THIS CLASS. I was really pissed with my class.I Me, Kim & Joyce offered to help him after class and even offered him to have lunch with us.We comforted him and we listened to him during his lecture, that was the least we could do.

And there's this certain person in our class who's starting to annoy me again.I thought she changed.It pissed me because, FOR GOD'S SAKE CAN YOU JUST STOP FLIRTING AND JUST FUCKING TAKE CARE OF THE CLASS?! She was too busy flirting THE WHOLE DAY that she didn't even mind handling our class when it was her fucking responsibility.Everyone was already having a hard time, even the STAPs and wtf, she wasn't doing ANYTHING about it! Butch.

Geezus Christ you guys are all giving me cancer.Seriously.You guys will be the Death of Me.

I don't want to have Cancer.And you guys ARE SO NOT WORTH IT.I don't want to give a shit about you guys anymore when it will only lead me to my early death.I'd rather not waste my time caring.I have better things to do.

That.is.it.I am so going to be numb, indifferent and cold.You guys made me this way.I don't want to care anymore.I don't want to feel anymore.I want to be numb.I care too much to the point that it hurts and I HATE THAT.I'm too caring.That's my problem.And now, i won't let it be the reason for my early death.

Christ, why am i even talking about cancer?!

Whatever.I'll just think about Summer.It's near.I could almost finally escape from this year long nightmare.I've had enough of it.I'm so sick of it.Now the tears won't even fall.I don't get this.I've bottled up my emotions and crying is my only source of releasing it and yet, the tears just won't fall.What's wrong with me? I'll definitely lose it if the tears don't fall.I definitely will.I don't even know what i'm supposed to feel right now when all the emotions are bottled up in me.It's frustrating.

Fuck, who cares if i'm Emo? During RHGP, ALL of my classmates wrote EMO in my paper.Yeah, so what? I'm EMOtional.Deal with it.I don't give a shit if you guys consider that negative.I'm EMO and that's something for you to accept.If you don't want to, then fine, fuck off.

UGH.I'm so pissed right now.Sorry for the very emotional post right now. I'm seriously having a MAJOR breakdown and an ENORMOUS Burst of emotions.Blogging seems to be the only thing that can help me now.This is what happens when i lose it.

Sorry.

Don't Wait.

Lindt officially SUCKS.

Well screw him.I seriously don't give a crap about him anymore.I like someone else now.Namely, Apollo.It's his codename.Apollo has been recognized as a god of light and the sun and music and healing.

This applies to him because, first, he's a god with guitars.So god like
i'm telling you.You should see him play,you'll be amazed.And healing, because after Lindt, he's been making me feel better.These days he's been my source of feeling a bit better.It's like he's curing my misery or something.Light and Sun because, idk.Haha.It's like he's given me the light during this tragic dark hour...? WTF.xD.Screw that.xD.

Anyways, i haven't been blogging because the computer just got dumber.It won't effing work anymore.Ugh.Now i have to spend money whenever i go to the internet cafe.I won't be able to blog as much as i used to but i'll try.

This week was pretty okay.Nothing much happened.Nothing to narrate actually.

I'll just talk about today.Today was pretty fun.We had Soccer! w00t! I missed it so much.I miss the feeling of playing it and the adrenaline....gah.I love it.I love everything about it.I enjoy playing soccer.Though my stamina, resistance and reflexes got kinda inaccurate coz i haven't played it for a while but either way it was still awesome.I fell on my butt a while ago.Hahahaha.It was fun slipping.xD.

And Ms. Torres said that Sir Abodiles might be back! w00t! I miss sir so much.I'm psyched to see him come back and OMG, His killer smile! Haha!

I had guitar jamming with Mico & Darren today.Gah.Darren's so god like.And Piano sucked.Ugh.Ms. is pressuring me BIG TIME about that damn recital.Ugh.Bitch.Seriously, i had a choice on that but she decided for me! UGH.Now she sermons me every now and then just because i couldn't get it right.For god's sake i just started on the damn piece! So much for being a perfectionist.Tsk tsk.

Err yeah, that's all i can actually talk about but Apollo's been really making me happy.Haha.Yeah.

Teh Poultry.

Do You know that Your Love is the Sweetest Sin?

Since the caffeine won't come off, i'm gonna blog.

I miss those days.Quite Terribly.

I just had another Nostalgia Attack this day.I miss those props days.Those days when i had props meetings and such.I know, really random.Well, it has just occured to me that my freshman year wasn't that bad after all.

I miss those days when i was still seatmates with Joyce, Darren, Alec, Kenzo and Stefo.Siighhh.Those were the days.Having them around me was practically fun and i enjoyed every single day with them.Those BURN! laughtrips and corny jokes with Kenzo, Alec and Darren.And those bitchslaps and asaran with Stefo.Also those times when they would all play bato bato pik and did something retarded.Everything was perfect in that seat.

And those props meetings were really fun too.Those hide and seek games with Nichie and Co.When we ordered food and lazed around tinkling with Sir Abodiles' stuff, or those times when me and nichie commuted and i always ended up eating dinner in her house.Or those times when we practically did nothing while most of our batchmates were sweating their asses off in the gym.Haha.Yeahhh.those were the good times.

Now that i think about it, my life was absolutely fine during those times.Now, it's been so boring lately.Nothing's really been happening.It feels...lifeless.Agh.I hate living like this.I wish i could bring back those good ol' times.But i can't.Sigh.

...

I finally got Eclipse.I had to beg my dad for it.At first he won't give in but, i have my ways.Haha.Twilight was nowhere in sight in Fully Booked.I'm thinking it's out of stock.New Moon is also near to extinction and Eclipse still has a handful of copies.Guess it's really mainstream now.Haha.Fully Booked is like my sanctuary.I feel so relaxed when i'm in there.The books there make me drool.It must be heaven to be there.I could spend my whole day in there and i wouldn't lose my sanity.

...

School Updates:

4th Quarter is long but it feels short.Idk, maybe it's the limited time that's making me feel this way.Okay, i don't want to be heartless.I'll be nice.It's not like we have forever anyway.

We have lots of plays lined up.As expected, i'm always in the Props.ALWAYS.Discrimination i tell you.I want to try out some other parts but when it comes to props, they ALWAYS turn to me.Ugh.

I'm excited for PE since we'll be having Soccer.w00t! It's been ages since i last played that.I missed the feeling of playing it.Well, that's something to look forward to.

And i'm still reluctant in performing for the Recital.Ugh.Ms. forced me.i didn't have a decision at all when i actually was supposed to have one.She decided for me.UGH.Bitch.

And i want to be in Kuya Dom's band.So badly.I want to play for their band.I want the feeling of performing infront of a crowd.But i'm playing the violin for god's sake.Ugh.Impossible.I want to play in the battle of the bands and in their prom for pete's sake!

I wish my life was better.better than this.

Things i plan to do:

• Listen to more happy songs and less emo/screamo/depressing/wtf kind of songs.
• People Watching and maybe Psychology.
• Take my studies SRSLY.
• Think of a good plot for Darren's novel.Or maybe finish my OHSHC fanfic.Or better, work on my mini novel.
• Save up for my interests.Like books, CDs, and such.
• Find a new obssession/hobby/fandom
• Make my life interesting.
• Try to be Happy.
• GET A LIFE.

I prefer the last one.Haha.I'll try my best.I'll try to bring back the good times.Or maybe at least make something close to it.Idk.Haha.Whatever.Screw It.I'm drunk.xD.

Teh Poultry.

Show Me the Tears You Never Shed...

Damn You.You're an Ass.I hope you know that.

Ugh.I didn't want to say that but i've been pushed to my limit.I've had enough.Damn it.I hate you.Ugh.Ugh.Ugh.I might regret saying this but, damn it.

I seriously don't know what to feel anymore.I wish some magical fairy would just like, pop out of nowhere and zap out all my emotions.Just like that one episode in Fairly Odd Parents where Timmy absolutely had no emotions.That would be like, so awesome.I want to answer "I do not" whenever someone asks me what i'm feeling.It would be so cool to be completely numb.

I've been so confused with myself lately.Urgh.I hate this.

Pieces i would want to play in the Violin:

• Canon - Pachelbel
• Ikaw Lamang - Silent Sanctuary
• Broken Vow - Lara Fabien
• You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban

I had Violin with Nichie today.I somehow improved.Haha.Me and Kyle were trying to play Canon by ear and we we were gushing about those God Like solos.Kit and him were prank calling Superman err, JJ.Child Prodigy my ass.xD.Nichie and I's lesson in the hallway was...err, suspicious.Hahaha.

Damn.I want to think of a good plot for Darren's novel.I'm not a genius. :/

Teh Poultry.

Today We'll Never Know

I finished New Moon today.Now i'm off to buying Eclipse, well, if i had the money.I shall starve...again.Guess it's worth it though.I'll have gossip girl and my tito's books to keep me company while i save for Eclipse.Approximately 2 weeks or so.I'm excited.

I had Darren hooked to it as well.He was thrilled by it.I lent Twilight to him and well, he finished 300+ pages today.Whoa.Addict.xD.I shall be lending him New Moon by tomorrow.

The day was uneventful and i don't know why i'm even blogging it when i have so much educational crap to do.Well, i just feel like babbling over shallow things.

I mostly spent my time reading New Moon since i had nothing better to do.I was quiet and indifferent - to everyone and everything.The day was absolutely dull.I felt so...empty.I kept myself distracted with schoolwork and such.Ugh.I absolutely felt like Bella.The Bella Edward left.That Bella.And no, i wasn't depressed, i just felt lonely.But i was okay.I'm just so amazed at how Stephenie Meyer could write Bella's emotions so precise thati too could feel it.Sigh.

I was just thinking deeply today.Random thoughts drifted in and out of my head.Hhhhmm.I might go people watching sometime.It's a hobby i miss.

Me and Giulia had our usual Twilight Madness.It was still as interesting as ever and she still blushed whenever i mentioned Edward Cullen.Darren was amused with us too and our Twilight Conversation.

I think i'm a vampire.Ridiculous as it sounds, i think i am. O_O

Well, okay, i was bored and well, i searched about vampires.I know, Pathetic.I saw the list of symptoms and well, It mostly applied to me.I'm not freaked out or anything, i actually find it amusing.

Dismissal was an exception.It wasn't a bore unlike the rest of the day.I spent time with Nichie playing the violin, desperately.You should have seen me, i was horrible.If Simon Cowell saw me he'd say the same thing too, or maybe something even worse.It sounded like fart.That's how bad i played it.No, it was even worse than a fart.It sounded like slaughtering a pig or something.My arms hurt like hell and my fingers felt numb, but it was worth it.

Me and Nichie just kept on laughing and laughing and laughing at the funny noises the violin made and at my retardation.I didn't have to force a smile or laugh whenever i'm with her, it just came out naturally.Gahr.I missed that.

She was kind enough to overnight her violin to me so during the bus ride home, Kuya Dom tinkled with it .He was too chicken to play it and he just kept on laughing.He asked me to play something but i refused since i really knew nothing about the violin.

He said that i should play to him when i could play a song already.He said it would be cool if there was a violin player in their band for the battle of the bands.Whoa.Me, in a band full of juniors? God like musicians? The only girl and freshman? No freaking way.I'm too...inferior.And besides, the battle of the bands is pretty near and i absolutely had no chance of mastering the violin by that time.No way in hell.

I'm off.Educational crap to do and i'm near to fainting.I haven't slept well.Urgh.

Teh Poultry.

You'll Miss Me when I'm Gone.

Today was actually pretty good for a first day.

I thought i would be indifferent and quiet and all today but it was the exact opposite.I was extremely talkative and pretty much hyper.xD.

Morning, i read some parts of New Moon then we proceeded to the CC for the FC.Crap as always.Karen and I gushed about Hana Kimi.Great JDrama indeed.Sano still makes me hyperventilate.And Nakatsu is still as cute as ever.

Me and Aranda also talked about Macau since he was there too, on the same day i was there.He was in the Venetian! OMG.Rich butt.Dude that place is like, for RICH bastards!

Then i noticed Giulia reading this book which somewhat looked like New Moon and when i asked her, she was like, Yeah! OMG.You should have seen us.Fangirlism! xD.Dude we were SO HYPER. We were like LOLOMFGWTFBBQ.Hyperventilating! xD.

Man, it was so fun gushing about Edward and Bella and Everything else about Twilight.And New Moon.And Eclipse. We went all giddy about the Movie, the next book to be released, and Midnight Sun, Edward's version of the story.Gahhhhh.Fangirlism has never been so fun.xD.We talked about it til' like, Dismissal.We're f-ing obssessed! Twilight Madness! xD.

Talked to Darren about random things.Mostly laughtrip.xD.

Me: Edward is like, my dream guy. He's dark, mysterious and handsome.
Darren: Wait, Did you say...Dark? 0_0
Me: OMG, you f-ing racist! No i didn't mean it that way! Edward Cullen is White!
Darren: Oh.I thought you liked dark.xD.

Me: I rode the Space Shuttle in EK.I kept on like, praying Hail Mary, Our Father and Glory Be.
Darren: OMG, I can like, imagine that. =))
Me: And i kept on saying fuck in between.
Both: Laughs out Loud. =))

We read FISH during CLE and well, it was about dating.Ugh.Of all the darn topics.There were funny parts.Like, That all by myself thing.xD.and that movie thing, "Because you Glow in the Dark" WTF.Hahahahahaha. =))

I mostly read New Moon the whole day.Okay, Jacob isn't really that bad but sometimes he can get pushy.Idk.I still like Edward.But Jacob's pretty okay too.Being all cheerful and that happy aura of his, it's good for Bella.I liked the way Stephenie Meyer described how Bella felt while Edward was gone.I could like, relate.Gahh.I wanna write that good too!

I forced Darren to read it too.He seems thrilled by it.I'll be lending him Twilight tomorrow, He can't wait.Speaking of which, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARREN! Too bad he lost his wallet.Libre sana.Daang.Haha.

Club time was really fun.Me and Nichie were like, Reading New Moon.Geeks! Nyahahaha.We looked so freaky reading it together.xD.I mostly did nothing but read.Bolilia was being a gaylord.He totally spoiled it! Argh! He told me what happens to Bella, Jacob and Edward! Nichie also spoiled some things too.Gahr.Haha.Whatever.It was Twilight Madness again.xD.Bolilia actually read it.Wow.Well, 4 chapters the least.xD.

Then Bolilia and Neko were like, being total gaylords hitting on each other.It was so hilarious.xD.Me and Nichie wished we had our camera to record their retardation.Man, that was laughtrip.Neko got owned by Bolilia.HAHA.Burn.xD.I guess Bolilia's really a gaylord.xD.They were like, talking about Asians and well, hitting on each other -and everyone else.xD.It was like a stand up comedy or something.xD.

Dismissal. I hung out with Nichie and listened to some songs in her iPod.I mostly knew the songs and she was like, Whoa.Haha.Well, the songs are typical.FOB and such.She's gonna teach me violin! w00t! xD.Gah.I'm seriously saving for a Violin.and Eclipse. =)

Bus ride home, i mostly talked to Neko about christmas gifts and this bitchy computer.And well, Twilight too.Haha.xD.Kuya Dom was wasak.He kept on like, saying random things out of nowhere and laughed at nothing.xD.

Teh Poultry. =)

It's Now or Never.

I'm seriously dedicating most of my time now to the Piano.

This computer's hopeless anyway.Hopeless i tell you.It's on the edge of dying.Well, i don't really care since it's been bitching a lot lately i might as well get a laptop instead of it.I might be going to the Internet Cafe more now.

And speaking of the Piano, i scored myself a keyboard yesterday.w00t! xD.You have no idea how insane i went over it.I was Drooling.It's everything to die for.Gah.I'm inlove with my keyboard.Haha.xD.

Pieces i would want to and WILL master:

• Canon - Pachelbel
• Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 - Chopin
• La Fille Aux Cheveux De Lin
• Le Cygne from Le Carnaval Des Animaux

Haha.I dream pretty big.xD.Oh well, i'm planning to finish them before i graduate which is pretty much 3 years from now which is pretty long.Along with it, i want to learn how to play some songs too.

I was practicing a while ago and i felt kinda disappointed because argh...I felt so Inferior.I felt like i was a Failure.Eeehhh.It pissed me off because i couldn't even play something decent in the piano.Ugh.Pathetic.I even couldn't read the bloody notes well! Argh.

Oh well.It'll take some time.A LOOONGGG time.I just need to work on my patience for the meantime.I know i WILL play the piano well...someday. ;)

I wanna be like those god like people.Siighhh.I really do dream too big.Whatever, it's free to dream right? Haha.I can do this.And no, i wasn't being sarcastic on that, well, kind of.Whatever.

I wanna be like Ms. Cendana.She was my SIIGE guitar teacher last year and man is she a god.Err, goddess.Whatever.She could play the Violin, Piano and the Guitar so god like! She's a god in all the 3 instruments! She really awed me.Now i want to be just like her. =)

I'm still planning to continue my SIIGE piano lessons in CSA for the years to come.Then i might take Violin in Yamaha.So yeah, i'm focusing on both instruments but for now, i'm planning to master piano first.Then off to Violin! I might have Nichie teach me the Basics of the Violin for now.Alright!

...

Damn.I forgot.It's school tomorrow.BUMMER.I still don't want to go to school.I'm not ready to face hell yet.I had enough of it already.

Note to Self: Prepare School things and prepare yourself to face Death.And Ms. Cadano.xD.

...

I read a few chapters of New Moon already and it disappointed me that Edward had to leave all of a sudden.It sucked the life out of the story.Ugh.That was so totally kill joy.But i'm still reading it coz he will come back.He SHOULD come back.And he will right?

...

OMG.I saw a white lady a while ago.I dunno if i was just drunk or something, but i saw her.OMG.I so freaked out.It was like, floating in mid air along our hallway.Since our room is beside the Emergency Exit there's this like window to the hallway and you could see the people passing by.It was like 3 i think and i was like, WTF. Man it gave me the creeps alright.Dx.

...

I went hyper a while ago.Soulja Boy started playing on MTV and all of a sudden i was dancing it.Hahaha.xD.I looked like an idiot.a fool.a complete retard.But it was fun.

...

Teh Poultry.

Oh Love's gonna get You Down.

I seriously need a Break. :/

Damn.I can't believe school will be starting this Monday already.UGH.I seriously don't want to attend school yet.Not just yet.

It's just that, i'm not ready to face all the educational crap i have to do.I don't want to study bloody Algebra again and listen to Ms. Cadano's lectures and all the lekat curses she does.UGH.T_T

You have no idea how bummed out i am.I DON'T want to go to school.

I don't want to get stressed and pressured and frustrated...again.I don't want the feeling of Insecurity, Misery and Loneliness...again.I hate it, i hate that feeling.

School is living Hell.And i can't believe i'm saying that.But these past few months, that has been my view of school.Torment.A living Nightmare.
Idk.High School made it seem that way.School has never been so hellish ever since i've been a freshman.Siigghh.I seriously miss grade school.It was way better in there.

I just don't want to face those people yet.I just can't.I just want to disappear from their faces.I just want to hide away.And i know i'm being a coward for not facing my problems but i just need some time.And this 2 week break isn't enough.

Most likely i'll be in my indifferent mode once school starts again.I'll be in my own little world.

UGH.It's going to be hell again.High School has really been a living hell for me.I've never felt so down until my freshman year.And now, i have to face it again.

Whatever.God just please give me the strength and guidance.I seriously need it.

...

I'm f-ing pissed with this computer.You have no idea how much i want to like, rip it off into pieces.It's bitching again.And i hate it.SO MUCH.Now it even can't play sounds.UGH.I want a laptop.I NEED one.

...

Teh Poultry.

Can this be the Sequel of My Dying Hope?

http://cjdeguia.multiply.com/video/item/19/Kapuso_Mo_Jessica_Soho_-_Emo_Sa_Kabataan_Maganda_ba_o_Masama

CLICK IT.

I watched it and yeah, i guess i could relate to it in a way.But it somehow made me laugh too.Idk why.xD.But i agree, EMO is Emotional.So maybe that means, i really am emo..? Idk.I'm confused myself.I mean, i guess this is just a stage of Puberty i'm experiencing.Idk really.

But seriously, i'm not one of those Posers.UGH.I don't even dress like an Emo for god's sake! I haven't even put eyeliner on myself! (Well, only because i dislike make-up) I only happen to listen to Emo things and well, sometimes have my emo time too.I get easily depressed.

And i agree that sometimes people shouldn't really judge the Emo people.They have to like, understand them.I still don't get it why some people hate Emo people.Like, Christ, what's wrong with being Emotional? We all get down at times too you know.

And they have reasons why they're Emo too.They also have their own problems it's just that, this is how they go through it.Listening to Emo songs helps them, Like, Music is their source of Therapy coz it could relate to them.

Yeah yeah.I'm just ranting.xD.But i'll never be one of those posers who act like they're emo but they're actually not.I don't like those kind of people.Just because it looks cool and it's kinda like the "In" thing.Tsk.Pathetic. T_T

Whatever.This video cracked me up.I wanna have bangs.HAHAHA.xD.

...

Enough Emo talk.I preffered to be called Poultry now.No, Seriously.You're free to call me Poultry, i'd feel complimented if you do so.xD.
Or Birdbrain.Poultry or Birdbrain, doesn't matter.Call me any of the two, it's perfectly fine with me.Nyahahaha.xD.

I find it so hilarious when Lee Young-Hae does that Smug face.HAHAHA.It seriously makes me laugh.xD.I wanna try doing my own smug face too. :]
Ooohhh.You can also call me Three Bears! Haha.=)

Hhhmm.I'll listen to more Typecast now.HAHA.xD.

...

Just arrived from my Tito's house.I scored 4 books! wOOt! Nyahaha.xD.Well, i only borrowed them.I scored:

• Mythology by Edith Hamilton
• Easy way to Learn Spanish
• Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
• Energy Addict by Jon Gordon

I wanted to borrow more but he told me to borrow em' next time.I wanted to borrow that Karate book.I wanna learn Karate.I wanna kick ass! Nyahaha.xD.I also wanted to borrow some of his Reader's Digest issues and that Astrology thing and that Psychology thing.Gahhh.So many things i wanna learn.So many things i wanna do. :D

...

Teh Poultry.Birdbrain.Potato.Banana.Three Bears.EMOOO~!.Tough Weed. =)

I'm Crazy but I'm not Done.

I had another Dream.And it involved Sam Concepcion.

WTF.

This has been the 2nd dream i've had about him.Seriously, why the hell do i even dream about him? It's not like i'm one of his diehard obssessed fangirls that go like, OH EHHMM GIEE! I LOVE YOU! I wanna have your babies!Geez.This seriously freaks me out.It was about me singing along with him.Christ.This better stop.

Okay.Screw that aside.

I treated myself today.Yayyy.I got myself my ever first gossip girl book, Because I'm Worth It.Surprising because, i never really took much interest in these kind of novels.Well, i wanted to try it out just for kicks okay? And i think it's pretty cool too since lots of girls find it interesting, might as well check it out.

I also bought Twilight's sequel, New Moon.I've been DYING to have it.I'll be obssessing over Edward Cullen & Bella again.Hah.I just can't get enough of it, Twilight left me hanging, thirsting for something more.

And i got myself a Hair Dryer.Haha.Idk, it might help in making my hair be manageable.At least.And i treated myself to Ice Cream! Yayy! Woot! I got the cheese flavor.Hah.

Lol.I miss HK.I like the weather there.It's bloody cold and refreshing at the same time.Unlike here, it's bloody hot.I never realized how hot our country was until i arrived from China.

Oh well.

I'll go watch a new Kdrama since i can't find a good Jdrama with Oguri Shun, Jun Matsumoto, Tamaki Hiroshi or Ikuta Toma in it.

...

Eeeehhhh.I wanted to buy more books.But then i got broke so i shall list em' down for me to remember:

• The It girl.
• Any Meg Cabot book.
• Eclipse

Yeahh.And mangas.Lots of em'.

...

Teh Tough Weed.