Honestly can't wait for the day the tables turn and I get to say look who's crying now?

One day, Karma will bite you in the ass, hard.

And you'll be sorry.

Really sorry.

Bitch.

On disturbing memories:

We are human.

We screw up.

We fuck up.

We make mistakes.

We do things we'll regret.

To err is to be human.

So everytime a disturbing memory resurfaces and I cringe and flinch at everything I've done in the past, I just have to simply forgive myself, accept and move on.

I'm not alone in this.

For one, I can say that it was okay to do such because it was with my first boyfriend. He was someone special, and he was not just some random hookup. So I applaud myself for that.

Second, BLAME THE TEENAGE HORMONES. Pretty sure our parents and millions of other teenage kids have gone through this... and have pretty much gone farther than I have.

Thank God we did not push further on, oh lord, our dignity.

It's okay. Teenagers are crazy. We are reckless. We do crazy, stupid shit. We get horny. We fuck around. We're wired this way. We're growing up, experiencing things for the first time, we're young and curious.

But now I know better.

I learned.

And that's what matters.

:)

Also, forget the people who may noticed/witnessed you fooling around. They'll just think of you guys as 2 stupid teenagers who were young, naive and inlove. Forgive yourselves, AND MAKE SURE TO NEVER SEE THOSE PEOPLE, EVER. Your image is forever ruined loooooool.

Ah well. It could be worse. Thank God they weren't your parents.

Calm dooooooown! They'll probably just laugh about it and shrug it off.

There's no use in thinking about it now.

It's pointless.

Why do I allow myself to dwell on these unhealthy, negative and useless thoughts?

Forget them.

Forget everything.

It's a waste of time.

Keep moving.

Ignorance is bliss.

Just breathe.

Clear your mind.

Free yourself.

I don’t want to associate myself with these people anymore.

If they walk away, then I’ll let them be.

I just have to find people who will stick with me through everything.

I'm better off without them.

I’m done.

Some things just aren't meant to last you know?

When people grow, sometimes they don't grow together but instead.... they grow apart.

People change. Things never stay the same. Change is constant. It can either pull you together, or tear you apart.

I've realized that I can't hold on to someone and believe that they wouldn't change for me.

People suck. We are all full of shit.

Everything's a waste of time.

So much drama. So much bullshit. So much lies.

Nichie.

Me:

Hey Nichie! I didn't want to reply to your post on blogspot because it's kinda.. I dunno. Actually, I don't even know how you feel about me. Are we still friends? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Because honestly, the last time I checked we were okay. Are we? You just kinda stopped... talking. It's okay though if you're mad at me or something, I understand. I just sorta wish I knew what I did wrong. I really don't know wtf happened.

I know you probably don't consider me as a friend anymore or something, but I still really care about you. And eh, the blog post you wrote was just kinda depressing and all. Honestly, I don't know how it feels like to be in your place but I do know that it's painful. And Nichie, it really does hurt seeing you in pain because you deserve to be happy.

I wish I can do/say something to make you feel better but we all know that it's not going to change the situation you're in so I think that the best I can do is to show my concern and support for you. I'm not really hoping for a reply or anything, I just want you to know that I'm still here for you - no matter what.

I know I haven't apologized properly for being like the shittiest friend ever, but I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. You may be miles away, but I still believe that you're one of the best friends I'd ever had. I'm really sorry for everything, Nichie. For screwing things between us. A part of me just wishes we can be friends again and talk and all you know? But maybe too much has changed. Eh. I'm sorry.

Anyways, enough about me!

I know it's difficult to stand on your own, but it gets better. It really does. You just got to have some faith you know? That one day things will turn up. It's ALWAYS hard in the beginning, but with each step that you take, I know that in time you'll be just fine. Time has a way of changing things you know? I believe in you, Nichie. You can do this. Hang in there. It just takes a little courage. I know that YOU have the power to change the way you live. I know that YOU are much stronger than you believe. YOU are capable of so many things.

Embrace change. After all, We are destined to move forward, to go about change. We are designed for change. I hope you find it in you to focus on learning how to be happy where you are and we'll be just there right beside you, cheering you on. I hope you learn how to be patient with yourself, to feel your feelings but to also let them go. Please learn to trust that God is in control and that in time, things will fall into place. Everything will be beautiful in its' own time. Have faith. Believe. Trust.

Always remember, this too shall pass.

NICHIE:

Ara,

You should know I can't trust you anymore. So here's my answer.

Yeah, we're still friends. We've made peace. We're cool, bro.

But I can't think of you like I used to. I'm going to tell you everything now. I used to think the world of you, but after what happened, I don't know anymore. It bothers me that you'd want people to say it straight if they have a problem with you when you didn't have the decency to do that to me.

In all honesty, I felt used and screwed over and I didn't want to have anything to do with someone who felt like it's so easy to just let me go. Loise felt the same way about me at one point but she talked to me about it and we're closer than ever. I know I changed but so did you and at the time, you refused to acknowledge it.

I really appreciate it though, that now you're making an effort but I wish you did back then. I always tried to stay on your good side because I always knew I never really was of any use to you. Even now I still have pangs of protectiveness that I have for my friends for you but I don't think any of my efforts would make a difference anymore. Maybe we can get better again someday. In time.

Thank you for your concern and your words but I don't need them. They're lovely words but I can't trust them. And at this point, I still feel like the only reason you're reaching out to me is because no one else is and that I'm the most likely to come back. We can still talk. We can comment on each other's posts.

Yes, we're still friends, but no, we're not close friends. Not anymore.

ME:

Thank you for telling me the truth. That's all I needed to hear.

I know a lot of things have changed over time, and that things will probably never be the same again but I'm glad we finally had closure. I know it's not going to be easy for me to make up for all I've done, but I'm glad I now know where I went wrong. And I understand that you can't trust me anymore, I accept that. I don't blame you for feeling that way.

I'm sorry I never really explained why I suddenly got iffy with you and cut you out of my life. I know my sorry won't do anything now, and that's okay, I just wish you know how sorry I am. I had a lot of reasons, and basically the main reason why I walked away is because I felt like we were drifting apart, you know? I honestly didn't know what was going on with you, you never really opened up to me anymore. I didn't feel like your friend anymore. We were becoming too different and I started to pay attention to things that I disliked about you, which was really immature and insensitive of me. Sorry.

We've been friends for years and time really changed the both of us which only led us to… fall apart. And you know what? I'm stupid enough to let that happen. We both had our own faults as to why this friendship failed. You're not the only one who was hurt. But hey, I'm glad we're (sort of) okay-ish. We're cool, yeah.

I'm sorry I never gave you the chance to save our friendship. That time I was so convinced that we were never going to be friends again because you were really distant and almost a stranger to me. I figured, why bother staying? Why bother fighting for something that isn't even there anymore? I got tired. But now that I look back, I should have just been a real friend and just confronted you instead. I now realized that a true friend will always accept you and guide you to be better.

I'm kind of bummed though because only recently did we start talking again and now we're back to well, this. I honestly thought we'd do much better the second time around and that we were back to building the friendship we've lost, but I guess it doesn't really work that way.

Honestly, I'm still quite the Ara you know. I might have changed but I'm finding myself now. I lost myself, and in the process, I lost my only true friends and it's only now that I realized that.

I'm learning. I'm changing. I'm trying to be a better person now. I'm not reaching out to you because I fucked up with the rest, I'm reaching out because I'm now acknowledging what I've done wrong and that there's something wrong with me (which is what I'm trying to fix). And hey, I'm sorry it took me a long time to get here. I'm reaching out because I need to fix what I've screwed up. You deserve an apology and an explanation.

Thanks Denise. Thank you for teaching me this lesson.
And hey - I'm still here for you.

i hope i dont regret this.......

Hey you.

I watched Strangers Again the other day (dude watch i swear!!!!), and man it really hit me which is why I'm typing this message down. I hope I don't regret this Hahaha.

Anyway, this line really got me and I just wanted to share it with you. Hope it's not too awkward, lol.

"I think… that if life separates us and we end up on totally different places, i’ll always remember when our lives aligned for this period of time… and I’ll be thankful for that. And I hope that wherever you are that you’ll be thankful too. And that’s the best we can wish for…"

I just wanted to drop by to say that I am so thankful to have met you, Gab. I don't regret a second that we were together. You made me happier than I've ever been. You deserve to be happy, Gab. Thank you for loving me. I feel so lucky to have been loved by someone like you. Thank you so much, Gab, for everything.

There are so many things I have to say to you, so many things left unsaid, but maybe we can talk about them all when we're both ready someday. I also wish that maybe one day, we can still be friends. I still want to, and I know it's possible. I really can't wait for the day when we can be cool around each other, no tension/awkwardness whatsoever and we can just laugh about the good times, and be better friends than we were before. I'll look forward to that day.

But until then,

I really hope you're happy, Gab. Please know that I will always care for you, okay? You'll always be in my prayers. I only hope for the best for you. I really can't apologize enough for everything I've put you through, but in the end, I still do hope that you were thankful that we happened.

Look forward to college, you'll have so much fun and I'm sure you'll find your Autumn, and I'll be happy for you.

HIS REPLY:

Hey thanks for that . It means a hell of a lot to me. And im sorry i didnt say hi to you last friday or talk to you i guess i was and still am not used to situations like that. Seriously im like the most awkward person ever. But yea if i see you again ill say hi and maybe we could talk a bit. IF im brave enough. Haha. And those pictures suck. Cause i look like shit in pictures. Just saying. I hope you're doing well man. And i know you're having fun and you're happy so im happy too.

serena

i wish people believed in someone's power and ability to change.

the past doesn't matter anymore

the person who i was isn't who i am anymore

what matters is the person i am now, this person right infront of you

the person im trying to become

the person who is trying to be better each day

the person who is learning and changing with each day

i have learned from my mistakes

and i wont let my past define who i am anymore

i admit, i screwed up

and now i am ready to be new again

if people could only give me a chance.......