The Art of Letting Go.

[Currently Listening: Concerto for Oboe & Orchestra in C, K314: II Adagio Non Troppo]

This is something i found over some thread in Candy:

One of the reasons why people get sentimental
Its because, memories are the only things that don’t change
When everything else does
There are things in life that you can’t hold on forever
No matter how much you fight for it
Sometimes destiny isn’t always good, it becomes playful
When you met someone you learned to love
You thought that it was destiny that made you paths cross
But what if making your paths cross is just a part of the game that the playful destiny creates?
Making you realize in the end that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn’t really meant to stay
But only destined to make you feel love and leave you when you’ve already fallen
It’s not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love
Some might think it’s just an excuse
Some might not actually believe
Some will blame you
Some might even be mad at you
What they don’t see is the fact that
It hurts you even more to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt
Especially when you can’t actually state the reason why you have to leave
You can never own something that was never yours
So let’s stop gripping on the things we expect to last forever
Nothing lasts forever.
Forever is a lie
Everything is transitory
So while you have something in your hand, put in mind that it’s just borrowed
So that someday when it’s gone, it won’t take you eternity just to let it go
When your feelings get strong for someone, it’s always wise to stop for a while and give your heart
A time to breath
A time to use your mind to weigh the situation based on reason not on emotion
Because the saddest thing that can happen is when one fall in love while the other wants nothing more than friendships
Love can sometime be magic
But magic can sometimes be an illusion
There are times when I wish that I was limited to certain emotions
So that ill never have to experience pain,
Never feel betrayed or disappointed, and never get my fragile heart broken
But the same thing means that I’ll never know hot it feels to love and be loved in return
The thought of it kind of scares me
To have a heart that’s whole but numb
Or a heart that’s broken but real
Someday, we’ll all be looking back those days we learned to love, get hurt, cry and fight
Maybe when that time comes we’ll be laughing at our old dumb selves
Realizing how stupid we were to stand up for things we knew weren’t really meant for us.
But I guess learning takes time, and mistakes make ones journey fun
Life is what we make it
Love makes the world go round
So let’s live, love and take whatever pain it brings
Though it’s hard to wait around for something that I know will never happen
It’s harder to stop when I know it’s everything I’ve always wanted.

I’ve learned that I can live without you

[Currently Listening: This Time//The Crash Moderns]

*MAJOR FANGIRLISM*

I've watched all the Twilight Interviews and other stuff so far. GAAAAAHHHHH! >.<

Robert Pattinson is so sexy, man. xD.

I'm serious.

Have you seen the way he talks in interviews?*faints* it's so damn sexy! WAHAHAHAHA. xD. He doesn't like children. Aaaww. Hell who cares! xD. And LOL, HE'S SO CUTE AND ADORABLE! His expressions and all is so damn cute! xD. And he's so funny in his interviews. *more fangirlism* And GAH, I totally support him about the whole lullaby thing. Daym, i didn't know he could play the piano and compose songs! xD.

Yeah forgive me for my craziness. I feel like i'm on a high right now. xD.


SQUUUEEEE! Marry me! LMAO. :))

Okay. I'll stop na.

BUT I CAN'T!

Boahahahaha =))

PWEDE! =))

Lol. I was bored okay? I got so amused with that thingie in candy. xD. Oh here's another one, it's my baby sister. She's so cute!

LOLOL. Future model yan. :)) She's VERY vain in case you guys didn't know. xD.

Random Stuff:

-I'm craving for noodles right now. Seriously. xD. Like, it was literally the first thing i thought of when i woke up. I haven't eaten those Lucky Me noodles ever since...idk. Oh! I'm also craving for jellyace! Yeah!

-I need to think of a good plot for my fanfic dammit. I seriously have no idea where my story's going. Oh screw it.

-I'm seriously broke :( It sucks. So bad. I have SO MUCH to buy. Like, more books. And i NEED to reserve Breaking Dawn. I sense it's going to be hella crazy. xD.

Anyways. I'm going. Lol. So bored.

Edit:

Ugghh. I feel so fucked up right now. Idk why. I feel so disturbed. Idk. It's so confusing.

I want to go on a break. A REAL ONE. Trumpets is starting to get, idk, annoying coz it takes up too much of my summer. TOO MUCH. I want to go somewhere. Anywhere but here.

I wish i could go to the beach or something. It would even be better if we went out of the country. But it's hopeless anyways considering that my mom's busy...and broke. I'm just confined and isolated in this stupid house with no one but myself. It's driving me nuts.

Siiigh. I need a vacation dammit. This is getting tiring. It's like:

I want to disconnect myself from the world.

My life's become a boring pop song and everyone's singing along

[Currently Listening: Ever so Sweet//The Early November]

I'll make this quick and short.

I am currently getting addicted to fanfics again. I've been desperately trying to make a Twilight fic for the past few hours and damn it, my head hurts like hell. It's the crappiest thing you'll ever read and i'll still edit it. Freakin head ache :/ It seriously needs improvement.

Strings & Keys:

Bella's a prodigy on the piano only relying on her scholarship at the Arts University while Edward Cullen, son of the great violin virtuoso, Carlisle Cullen is working his ass off to meet his father's expectation - No, he wanted to become a great violinist. He was determined to be better than his father- And yeah, they fall in love and blah blah. I don't really have a plot. xD. Whatever Goes. Sheez. All human BTW.

Damn it. I need Darren's help. He's a great writer, Ugh! I need tips and crap! I posted it already in fanfiction.net, 7 REALLY short chapters. But i'm planning to delete it anyways, and redo it.

I'm also going to work on an Ouran High School Host Club fic, i saw it in one of my old notebooks where i used to write my fics back in 6th or 7th grade. I'll just have to edit them and crap.

Hafta go. My eyes are bleeding, i still haven't slept and my head hurts like fucking hell.

She had a pretty face but her head was up in space

[Currently Listening: Cartel//Luckie St.]

Okay. I might perm my hair. Idk okay?

I mean, the rebond turned out great but it's been a year and now it's such a mess. I can't go to school with this kind of hair. I always have to keep it in a ponytail just so that i'd look decent. Uggh. It's such a bummer.

But i was thinking, if i got it permed, then it's like having my natural curls back! Imma flaunt it! Yeah! It might turn out like those korean hairstyles or something. Idk. But i'm just afraid what would happen to it after.

Just like with my rebond, it might screw up. And i don't want that to happen. So i don't really know if i'll perm my hair or not. And i have these "bangs" but they've gone curly. So yeah. Idk what to do with it. I always have to pin it to hide it.

GAH. I'm desperate for a new haristyle. But i don't even know if my mom would agree to this. You know my mom. Ugghh. Idk. How much does perming cost anyway? She'd get pissed at me if it would be too costly. And she doesn't really approve of going to the salon anymore (except for hair cuts) since my rebond turned out bad. She strongly disapproves or ironing, blow drying it or whatever.

UGGHHH. >_>

What do you guys think? I need help. I'm still waiting for the replies in the thread so i'd know what to do with my hair. GAAAHH. Just so you know, i have a round face and i have shoulder length hair (LOL it was something like a bob before) And it's layered but it's not obvious since my hair's really messed up. And the upper part of it has grown curly and the lower part of it is straight from the rebond last year. Ugh! It looks so disturbing damn it! I dunnoes what to do! D:

I'm desperate. ;___;

Here’s the final bullet to put our love to death

[Currently Listening: Shotgun Serenade//The Juliana Theory]

I'm so screwed right now.

Anyways. Before i go into details about how screwed i am, i just wanted to rant about something random i noticed in myself. I can't help but blog EVERY SINGLE DAY. I guess you guys have noticed that as well. xD. I just can't help it you know? I have so much to say, but there's not one to talk to in here. It's pretty lonely in here if you ask me. And my friends, i feel quite disconnected from them. So yeah. Bare with my blabbings. Haha. xD.

So you're asking why i'm screwed? I might play Doc in our West Side Story play. Like. Shit. I'm so screwed. o_O

Possibly. Might. It's the same shit. Ms. is already asking me to act like an old doctor and to memorize the lines. And i didn't even audition! UGGHH. I hate this. So much. I'm supposed to be some freakin extra. Not some old doctor with 2 pages of lines! GAH! Dx. I didn't ask for this dammit.

It's just that I don't trust myself. T_T

I always have this feeling that i'm going to screw up on anything i do. And being infront of an audience speaking some old fed up doctor's lines (With HIGH emotion damn it! Dx.) is so burdening for me. Gah. I hope i don't screw up on this. I will not let that happen.

And WTF, Doc's not even a female! He's a man for god's sake! And he/she/whatever has to slap Tony! Well. That's sort of okay to me since you know, i'm a bitchslapper. Ask my guy friends. They hate me for it. xD.

I don't have the courage to do such a thing. But what the hell. I promised myself. My motto this summer: "Do something everyday that scares you" -Eleanor Roosevelt.

And hell yeah is this scary. >_> Gah. Idk. Pray not that i screw up on this. I have to build up some confidence in me. I need to muster the guts to go up there and NOT forget my lines and have HIGH emotion and Fuck it, i don't want to do it. >.<

Ugh. I'll shrug this off. I need to do this. I didn't go to Trumpets for nothing. I can do this. I need to grow as an individual. I need to face my fears.

Lol. That was so optimistic of me. But sue me, i'm going to be pessimistic right now, like i always am. God. Why am i even so caught up in something so shallow?

Set that aside:

Icons make me happy :D Lalala.

And even though we brought it crashing to an end I loved it all

[Currently Listening: Hey//The Movielife]

Insomnia. Even if i woke up at 1 pm today. Wait, screw that, yesterday, i mean. (Hey that's really early for me already!) I still can't sleep. Lol, okay okay, so you guys caught me. I've been nostalgia tripping again. UGGHH. It's what boredom does to me okay? *extremely disappointed at self* I should really stop making this a habit. Seriously. >_>

So. I read my old journals. And no. It's not about Lindt. It's about the guys after Lindt. Mwahahaha. Yessss. xD. Come to think of it, those months weren't that bad. They were actually pretty good. I just didn't notice since i was wasting my time moping about Lindt. Ugh. Regrets.

Reading my entries about Rui, Sano and especially Apollo, i felt my face flush. I got so kilig remembering those moments. LOOOOL. xD. I kept on laughing reading them again. I was so...idk. Retarded. I always am. Tsk. D:

Oh.I finished Gokusen. Gah. So sad. :( I'm gunna miss Shin so much. He won't be around in season 2 or the upcoming 3. Daang. And he didn't confess! RAWR! I was waiting for that. Damn.




Aren't they just the cutest thing? I wanna watch Twilight already! RAWR! Even the trailer would make me go insane. It might come out on may raw. YAY! xD. GAH. They're just so perfect together. xD. And of course, i couldn't resist putting on Shin as well. Squeeee. >,< I want to post more Twilight and Shin icons, but i just might flood the whole thing so i'll just stop. GAH. I want more icons! xD.

And i read this thread in Teentalk. It's so wrong. Emo people are not allowed in Mexico. A huge number of them are being beaten up. Seriously, this is pointless and stupid. Beating them up makes everything even way worse than it is. They could've settled it in a better way not through violence. For more info, CLICK ME!


Anyways, i'm ending this. I hafta sleep. It's trumpets again later. WITH THE DANCING. Jazz. Gah. T_T

And now i'm stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be

[Currently Listening to: Nostalgic songs. :P]

I guess it's inevitable for me to go nostalgia tripping. xD.

GAH. Seriously, it's what i've been doing for the whole summer. I keep on living in the past. But i'm trying to change that. But sometimes, i can't help but cling on to it. Uggh.

They're just memories now though. And okay, okay, so maybe this year was the best year. So far. The year owns last year. Haha. But still. I had a tough time deciding. 7th grade was just so memorable. But first year was, unforgettable.

And i know i'm over him. It's just that i'm being more vulnerable to nostalgia that it keeps on reminding me of what used to be. And how much i miss it. But that's just it. But it's still a wonder how he still managed to put butterflies in my stomach during the last day. By that time, i was positive and motivated that i was over him. But then. That certain moment. I fell for it again.

Ugh. Whatever. I guess it's just boredom that's making me more nostalgic.

My archives are so embarrasing. Ugh. I clearly wasn't thinking when i was blogging. I was immature. I was overly naive. I was too open. ARGHH.

Anyways. I hafta go. Imma edit my humiliating posts. >.<

LOL. I forgot. Sir Pat yesterday. He had that perverted smile on his face. XD. Hahaha. I think he thinks that i have a crush on him. EEEWW. No way am i hitting on a teacher. Or maybe i'm just paranoid. xD.

I've got my life of complication here to sort out

[Currently Listening: Lloyd, I'm ready to be Heartbroken//Camera Obscura]





Them Icons. Gah. I love em. >,<
Nothing to blog about actually. I just thought of sharing em. I have much more, i hafta print em all! My recent Obsessions. :D

Turmpets was boring. Just some dumb practice. I just kept on talking with Denise and Jebbie. Random Stuff. Yeah. Stuff. Suuurre. :> :))

Whatever. I don't want to think about school muna. It annoys me to think i'd have to go back there after a month. Summer. Is. so. fucking. short. >_> I need time, damn it. I know i'm not ready to go back in there. HELL NO. Sue me for being pessimistic. Geez.

Been watching Gokusen. SHIN IS SO HOT. (Jun Matsumoto! xD) *fangirlism*

Nothing else to talk about. Blah. I don' even know why i'm blogging. Oh wait. I'm bored. Haha. Tssskk.

I'm gunna go Gokusen marathon-ing again.

Don't put these words between us

[Currently Listening: I Lie Awake//Quietdrive]

Hello Hello. xD.

Before i go to the crappy narration, HAPPY EARTH DAY! Yayyy! I'm gunna watch An Inconvenient Truth again later. Well, if mom doesn't hog the TV away from me just to watch some dumb reality show. Tsk.

So...Trumpets, as usual:

Today was the auditions for the casting of West Side Story. The warm ups were so, ugh. I know, i'm not fit. xD. Sir Pat. Still a pedo. Dx. He held my hand and effin touched meh legs! WTF! This girl. UGGHH. She was raping me. I swear. It was like harrassment or something. Uggghh. She could be sooooo annoying. It's like, she acted like we're close or something. Well guess what, We're not. Like, christ, get your own playmate buddies or whatever! But since she's only a kid...Sigh. I'll try to be friendly. Just not too much.

Auditions started, Jebbie and I weren't planning to audition. Well, who said we didn't have an option? Right? So yeah. We were the only ones who didn't. Everyone was forced too. Or so they thought. Hahaha.

Backstage, a lot of them were practicing and singing. LOL. I don't even know why i was practicing when i wouldn't audition anyway. Well, all for the fun of it. Jebbie took out her "gift" I was so amused when i poked it. xD. Haha. I didn't know Legrand was 2nd Honorable Mention. Like effing seriously! No offense, but..he just doesn't look like it. >_> But i'm quite impressed though.

Break Time. Jebbie's so effing rich! She treated us to pizza. I was like, "Jebbie, You Serious?!" LOL. Eh. It was so mahal kaya. Tsk. Rich kid. xD. Then we ate it there sa may hall. Then Open Forum! Yeah! I haven't done that since, idk, July? Yeah. I still remember that confe with Stefo, Seej and Marian. That was the only time i opened up this school year. It felt good to let it all out. I've been bottling it up for the whole year, i just might as well get it over with.It remains as the past anyways. Hahaha. It's pretty ironic, how our crushes are somewhat connected. Hahaha.xD.

Afterwards, we watched parts of West Side Story. Then. Yeahh. Yun Lang. Hahaha. xD.

baby, maybe these simple words will never reach your ears

[Currently Listening to: Daphne Doesn't Love Derby, She Hates Men//The Apathy Eulogy]

As you have noticed, I have changed my layout. Yay me. x].

Today, i woke up about 4 pm. YAYY ME! Seriously, it's an achievement. I usually wake up like 6 or 7 pm so this is really something good.

Hhhmm. Mostly internet. Duh. Updated my Deviantart, added more favorites. GAH. I want to get into photography again but, my camera's screwed :( So sad. And i don't have photoshop here in the laptop. :(

Damn. Other than that, i printed some of my violin sheets. I tried practicing but, GAH. Give me a break. My violin's only a week old so i can't really play something decent. My bowing still sucks. :( It still sounds disturbing. :(

Anyways...OMG I'M GUNNA GO TWILIGHTER MODE AGAIN!

*Extreme fangirlism here* I saw the MTV thingie in youtube. WAHAHAHA. You have no idea how excited i am. ROBERT PATTINSON!!! WOOOTTT! xD. I'm practically melting here in my seat watching it. DAMN IT, LET IT BE DECEMBER 12 ALREADY! (I hope i got the date right.xD.)

GAH. >.<

I'll end this. If you're a Twilighter, you'd know how it feels when you watch it. >_>

Other than that, i got hooked to this thing called "Podcast" I kept on ignoring it at first in my iTunes but wth, when i clicked it. GAH. I got so amused. Like, @___@

Yeah. I kept on clicking random stuff and subscribed a lot. Hahaha. I subscribed to the twilight thing (of course) then the indie feed thing then classical music (What? It's nice! xD) then the song of the day or something like that, idk. Then the best of youtube. Oh, also the Emo shit! Hahaha. Emo music is definitely my genre. Haha. And the insomniacs thingie. Of course.AND GAH! THERE'S SO MUCH MOAR!

Lalala. I hafta sleep. Trumpets is like, later. T^T

She's like a ghost that keeps you up at night

[Currently Listening to: All of Yours//Making April]

Oh! I finally updated my Fanfiction account. I haven't touched it since 6th grade i think. I was too stupid, i didn't know what to do with it eh. xD. So i put all my fanfictions in Mediaminer.org nalang. They were so amateur-ish. xD.Anyways, click this link, it's my first creation:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4208803/1/Twilight_Roleplaying

It's me and Darren roleplaying twilight. I edited it and posted it in Fanfiction. I couldn't find it though. So there's the link instead. That chat was so funny. xD. LOL MAY VOLVO NA PALA NUN. GO SCREW YOURSELF DAD! xD. Wahahaha.

Anyways, i updated my Deviantart too. All for the sake of boredom. Nyahaha. I'll keep on updating it pa. Check my links to see it. Then imma change my layout. It's not that i don't like it, it's just that, i have to get rid of it. :

Damn it, my head hurts. Too much editing. :/
...

I searched about another one of my peculiar dreams in dreammoods.com and i got this:

To see a parked car in your dream, suggests that you need to turn your efforts and energies elsewhere. You may be needlessly spending your energy in a fruitless endeavor.

Precisely.

She's merely inlove, she's merely insane

Trumpets: (I'm on my narrating mode so it's gunna be robot-ish)

Just read the WSS script and listened to the songs. Denise = PLAYSHOP IDOL! Wooot! xD. Aaaww. No Riff for you though. Boahaha.xD. Yeah they're such sexists. Tsk. xD. I read Maria's part one time. Lalala. I think i know the cast na. It's pretty obvious. >_>

Break. Jebbie was supposed to steal teh candy! Haha. Yeah. Some WSS songs are too effin high to sing. The repetition excercise was so effin funny. Laughtrip. xD.

Then we went to Kama Rada bar (?) yeah idk. I had my first sip of cocktail/margharita. Woot. Go me. Yayy.

And now i can't sleep. UGH. :/

Damn it. My eternal supplies of DVD wasn't that eternal after all. Ugh. I finished them na. I need new ones! And new books! UGGHH! But i'm so broke.:(
...

I kept on thinking about you today. A lot.

Ugh. I mean, i really thought i was over you. But i guess i was wrong. Now here i am, it's nearly 4 am, and i'm still awake all because of you. Ugh. I really can't stop thinking. >_>

If it weren't for me digging up the old archives, then i wouldn't think about you this much. Nostalgia. RAWR.

I badly need to talk to someone. Anyone! UGH. This is frustrating. Being in this house is maddening. (Idk what that word is, but whatever.xD.) I just need to get out of here. Anywhere but here.

I need to talk to someone. Maybe even you. But we never have the chance to talk anymore. Damn it. And okay, maybe i do miss you. Quite badly. UGGHH. Closure, dammit! I need an effing closure! I need to tell you. If i were given that chance, i'll definitely grab it. I've been waiting for those chances. Ugghh.

I'm pretty much starting to lose my mind. It's like tearing that wound open again and letting it bleed.

I need my confidantes. I need my friends to hang out with. I need to distract myself more. To ignore those empty spaces. I need to forget about you. Ugh i'm being all mushy and crap in here and i hate it!

I'm sorry. Oh, it's what you do to me. :/

Love me, Love me, say that You Love Me

Damn i miss those days.

Wahahah. Thank god for the Archive. I'm not yet done Nostalgia Tripping but gah, I really miss those conversations we had. They were shallow but they were the best of times. I can't put into words how i felt every time we chatted. It's like, i felt so important to you. Oh idk. >_>
Hahaha. You know, i laughed a lot today when i read them. I was so overly immature in the way i chatted with you. And our conversations were so damn shallow. But they were seriously funny.xD.

But it's annoying me, that they're all just memories now. *shrugs* I really wish i could back. But i can't. They just remain as memories. You were just so different y'know? You really made me feel, GAH IDK! It's undescribable!

Screw It. My pessimissm is getting the best of me. I can't go back and i'm stuck in Reality, without you.

That's just the way it is.

...

I FEEL SO FUCKING HAPPY! SO ALIVE! SO EUPHORIC! SO GREAT!

You have no idea how ecstatic i am right now. Our once distant memories, ARE NOW BACK TO LIFE! I was able to open this computer and bring it to life again! YAYYY! And i thought it was infected by some stupid virus or something. It was alright all along! I just had to be patient!

And CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, I'M ACTUALLY BLOGGING USING THIS COMPUTER!

Gaahh. I really really am happy. I could read our conversations again. YAYY! xD. Nostalgia Tripping, HERE I GO! xD. And i saved them in the USB just in case. I will never lose our memories, ever, again. :)

I freakin miss this computer so much! I love it! *Hugs computer*

...

Trumpets sure did a fantastic job in making me feel awfully exhausted.

I mean, i haven't slep since yesterday. Seriously. And now, we all had to dance for like, 2 1/2 hours straight! WTF! I swear, i'm sooooo going to have a major body ache tomorrow. :/

We got our West Side Story (WSS) scripts today (LOL, worth 30 pesos! xD) And man was it long. 47 pages long. Gaaahhh. So today was our movement class. A LOT of dancing. And i mean, A LOT. We were practicing Jazz since it's the dance used in WSS. GAAWW. I couldn't quite catch up. You know how i am at dancing. xD.

Craphole. I felt so...ugh. Okay, i know i was being paranoid and all. But ugh. I felt so uncomfortable and so conscious of myself. I was sort of, kind of, intimidated by some people.

Anyways, Denise is such a pervert. xD. She was looking at Ms' thongs. xD. ADMIT!!! You really did! xD. And Sir Pat reminds me of Sir Legazpi. *Shivers* Holy crap, his iFuck stare. Dx. Eeehh. He was being all touchy and... >_> PEDO! LOL. Kidding. Nah. No way. But. GAH. Idk. Screw it.

I didn't get grouped with Denise and Jebbie in the dance thingie. Bad. :( Hmph.

OH! I SAW DINO IMPERIAL AGAIN! Wahahaha.xD. Yeaahh. Tambay siya ng tambay sa Trumpets. xD. LOL. Asan kaya si Sam Concepcion? YEAAHH. RIIIGGHHT. >_> Gah. So unfair. Bakit lahat ng hot guys nasa ibang classes? Daya. Hahaha. :))

And, before Trumpets, i went to SM, like Lunch. Ate Beef Teriyaki. Yummm. Then i spent 2 hours reading Paulo Coelho's By the River Piedra i sat down and wept dun sa may reading hubbies. It's so comfy in there. I'm halfway na. If i finish it, i'll read Veronika decides to die. Then i just have to borrow my dad's The Alchemist. Yeyy me! xD. Oh, i still had some time left so i went to NBS of Podium to scan some books. Yeaahh.

Lalala. Dancing is so WTF-ing. I'm too tired to even blog about this. Might edit, if there's actually something to update about.

Must i always be waiting for you?

Rawr. I'm so frickin pissed. Like. Yeah. :/

My mom's bitching me around and contradicting me as usual. UGGHH. Soooo annoying. And my yaya's pissing me off. She's like, always butting into my own business. Like, christ, mind your own! I mean, i don't get it why she's so pissed that i sleep on a NOT normal basis, but geezus, how in hell does that affect you?! So what if i have insomnia? Does it kill you or something? Oh for the love of crap.

I mean, i do get it that my mom's all concerned and crap but she doesn't have to rub it in my face every single time. Geezus, i'm not stupid. I KNOW I HAVE INSOMNIA. It's not you here who's suffering! You think i don't get all bloody fucked up from all of this crap i'm suffering? Hey I AM making an effort to be normal. But christ, they don't call insomnia for nothing! It's having a hard time sleeping in case you guys didn't know. I really really am having a difficult time here.

Give me a break. Please. :/

...

CAUTION: THIS WILL BE AN OURAN LIVE ACTION FILLED ENTRY. YES, IT'S TRUE. o__o

http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-2788/Ouran-High-School-Host-Club-Live-Action.html?pg=2

Holy Fuck. There IS going to be a Live Action of Ouran High School Host Club. I was like, LOLOMFGWTFBBQ! Click on the link above to see the video of the rumored cast.

Teh cast and their pics:

Fujioka Haruhi - Horikita Maki http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Horikita_Maki
Fujioka Ryouji - Tanihara Sousuke http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Tanihara_Shosuke
Suoh Tamaki - Yamamoto Yusuke http://www.yusukefc.com/photo/?id=1159018465
Ootori Kyouya -Mizushima Hiro http://www.ken-on.co.jp/hiro/index.html
Hitachiin Hikaru - Izaki Yusuke http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b217/ryu-sakuma04/everlasting%20memories/FLAME/c107b047.jpg
Hitachiin Kaoru - Izaki Hisato http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b217/ryu-sakuma04/everlasting%20memories/FLAME/hisato-09.jpg
Haninozuka Mitsukuni - Kamiki Ryunosuke
http://www.amuse.co.jp/artist/Ryunosuke_Kamiki/profile.html
Haninozuka Yasuchika - Hongou Kanata http://www.sos-sendai.com/md/view.cgi?CAT=T&ACT=DESC&ID=T391656
Morinozuka Takashi - Daito Shunsuke http://www.topcoat.co.jp/ja/tc/daito/index.php?page=top
Morinozuka Satoshi - Tezuka Daiki ????????
Houshakuji Renge - Nakagawa Shouko http://wiki.theppn.org/Nakagawa_Shouko
Nekozawa Umehito - Wakaba Ryuuya http://www3.ocn.ne.jp/~a-yamaki/page003.html

I'm so stunned. I just can't believe it! I mean, all this time i was thinking of a live action of Ouran and here it is! It finally came true! Yaayy! xD.

I shall now give my opinions/critics:

I think Horikita Maki is the perfect Haruhi. She portrayed Ashiya very well in Hana Kimi so no doubt, she'll totally do a good job as Haruhi. Lol. She's playing the same part like before.

I'm quite disappointed with Yusuke though. He was better off as Kayashima in Hana Kimi. Daang it. I wanted Matsujun to play Tamaki! He's so cute and perfect for the part!! We'll see in the drama, yusuke :P

OMG, I so like Kyouya. Like, it's Nanba from Hana Kimi too! Yaayyy! xD. He's so hott for the part :]

The Hitachiin twins, ugh, it's just so...wrong. But i wanna see how they turn out in the Drama so yey. x]

The dood playing Honey's alright. He could be quite considered as a loli-shota. Not that adorable though, just innocent looking. Although i'm glad that Kanata will play as his brother. He's Ryoma from the Prince of Tennis Movie i just watched yesterday. So cute! :]

Mori's...well, Mori. The dood does remind me of Mori in a way. xD.

Okay i'm done ranting. WEEEE! I AM SOSOSOSO GOING TO WATCH IT!

...

Shit. I'm so screwed. >_>

My dad caught me chatting with my friend. My guy friend. UUGGHH. It was so idk, awkward. And he had this smug face on him. ARGH! I can feel my face flushing right now.

I swear, he was totally reading what we were chatting about. Damn it. Does he not know what Privacy means? Thank God, Me and Darren were only roleplaying Twilight. WHEW. Not talking about Lindt, personal matters or whatever. Whew. -__-''

And he didn't use his real name. He was using his alias, Raphael Du Monte. I seriously don't get it why he likes that name so much.xD.

Anyways, i'm still so freaked out by my dad reading our chats. UGH. So wrong. Beri bad. Garrr.

But I explained that we were making a story. LOL. Well we were! I was doing Bella's Point of View while Darren was doing Edward's. We did it just so that our writing skills would improve. And we were getting to the good parts of the plot!

Whatever. That was so weird. o______o

AND HE KNOWS THAT I OWN A BLOG! Yikes! What if he reads this? I'm soooo screwed. >_>

I want you there with me.

I mustered the guts to go to Yamaha.

Going home from Trumpets, i decided to go to Yamaha. It was about time that i face my ex-drums teacher. And god-knows-what would happen if he sees me. But geezus, it's been almost a year since i stopped attending my lessons. Better to get it over with. So yeah, i went there and BOOM, Nothing. My teacher didn't scold me or whatever or neither did he see me.xD. He was too busy teaching some dood. Daang. Oh well. But i bought myself John Thompson's First grade book anyways, for the effort. xD. And yes, i'm still in First Grade Piano. I'm such a noob. xD.

Okay, so i have decided to take violin this year. And self-teach myself piano for the meantime. God bless me the patience to do so.Please. xD.

So 6th Trumpets session:

I arrived really early today so i hung out first with Nowee, Erica and Monique. We went around and ended up in Toy Kingdom.Haha. I kept on asking random people what their costume was for the pictorial today. PREPPY! Yayyy! xD.

Acting. UGGHH. Dx. I had to act today. Sucked. I lacked emotions. A whole lot. xD. It was supposed to be a high emotion scenario with me screaming like a mad woman: HOW CAN I LIVE IN THIS HOUSE WITH ALL THIS NOISE?! GET OUT!!! *Kicks chair* Dammit, if only they allowed a monotonous kind of acting. I wanted to be Severus Snape! YEAAHH! xD.

Yes. Something like that. Then LALALALA. Stretching ached so bad. Hmph. It was like military school or something.xD. Then Me, Denise and Jebbie kept on talking about the Potter Puppet Pals. Wahahaha. It's so addicting kaya. Watch it on Youtube. We were supposed to act but it was cut short by the pictorial thingie. I was thinking of doing Saosin's Seven Years. Yeah.

PICTORIAL! Weeeee. At least we didn't have to act. Yayy. Daang it. I hate that Photographer. Meanie. Bad. Hmph. I was wearing a crossover between Preppy Anime School Girl/A Slytherin from Harry Potter/Victorian kind of thing. Rawr. The Photographer is Baadd. I wasn't even ready and like, WTF, he just took a picture of me without me smiling or posing or whatever! RAWR! He even laughed at me. Gahr. And he didn't even bother to retake it. EH WTF, WHAT IF I END UP LOOKING LIKE A RETARD IN THE YEARBOOK?! Ugh. ;___;

Ate some Plato Wraps on the way home. Yum. Ham & Cheese.

And, we're doing West Side Story for our Performance crap. It's like this Modern Romeo & Juliet.Nyahaha. We're doing America and that I FEEL PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND GGAAAYYY! song. Wahahaha. xD.

I'm somewhat getting hooked to Death Note again. Yesss. I watched both the movies and some episodes of the anime. GAAHHH. Oguri Shun should've been Light Yagami. Seriously. I'm still obssessed with L though. Sooooo adorable. xD.

Oh, I received some unexpected news today.

Edit//

LOL. I forgot, i saw Dino Imperial in Podium. Like, WTF. I passed by him, like, we were just inches close! Haha. Starstruck much. :P

INSOMNIAAAHH!!! I want to freakin chat with someone right now. If only he went online.Siiighh. :( It's been so long since we last chatted. :(

But they're just distant memories now, aren't they?

I won't let this go

It's 12 in the afternoon and i'm still alive and NOT kicking apparently.

I have decided to stay awake for the whole day so that i may return to my normal sleeping habits. Hopefully. Ugh. I'm feeling dellusional right now. Sue me if i don't know how to spell dellusional. My brain's malfunctioning right now and i have no idea what the hell i'm saying.

I got my report card. My highest grade in High School yet: 83.2

Yes, i am that stupid. xD. Rawr. And to think i used to get an 89 or whatever. Well, that was Grade School. Tsk. My highest subject grades were in Music/PE/Health/PEHM/WTF since it involves Music. Hah. I suck in academics. T__T

Oh. We made takas a while ago. Hahaha. It was like 3 am. Tapos i went to Jollibee with Kuya and his GF since THERE WAS NO MCDO OPEN. 24 hours my ass. xD. Mom didn't even recognize we were gone. Muhahahah. Sneaking out is fun. xD. I didn't see the sunrise though.

Hhhmm. I have picked an outfit for the pictorial thingie in Trumpets tomorrow. I just grabbed whatever crap there was in my closet and jumbled them all up. And i came up with something like WTF. It's all preppy-ish since i couldn't really think of any costume/character. As if i even had the clothes. Tsk. The skirt doesn't go well with the top, but what the hell, it's not like i have any other skirts. I NEED A PREPPY LOOKING SKIRT! Oh, the one that would fit my fat ass, please.xD.

I played the piano and violin this morning. I'm starting to get the hang of playing the violin. I tried Canon, Ave Maria and Salut D'Amour. Obviously, it's from La Corda. Haha. And i tried the Minute Waltz again in piano but it's not yet my level. So i'm sorta slow in playing it. And i practiced Chopin's Tristesse and also The Minuet. I will so master that piece.

My eyes are really feeling heavy right now. Ugghh. I'm so exhausted :/

...

Ooohh. The savant syndrome is so friggin cool.


They may be autistic or blind but they're geniuses, i tell you. Like, this dood's like an effing living iPod! He can play any song he hears! Like, WTF! And this dood can make notes out of what he hears! (Example, the speed of the train. WTF, WHO MAKES NOTES OUT OF THE SPEED OF THE TRAIN?!) Gaww. Prodigies. Tsk. xD.

(I'm so disappointed with how these pictures turned out. My Canon IXUS is hopeless. It still blurs everytime i take a picture of something. Like, RAWR. )








Anyways, i'm still confused: Piano or Violin?

I still haven't decided what to take for SIIGE this year. RAWR. I mean, i love the piano. But then, i'm so amused with the Violin. Like, i think it would be so awesome if i knew how to play it. But still. I only had 1 year of piano. I YEAR! Bah. I need Years with an S to play well. UGHHH. It even takes people 10 years. AUGG. See? I really wish i started learning when i was two. Then i could play the violin now. Ugghh. Regrets. But now that i have the violin, what the hell am i supposed to do with it? I mean, shouldn't i take lessons or something to make it something useful? I will. But. I want to REALLY improve on Piano. RAWR.

I'm thinking of Enrolling in Yamaha or Musicademy but:


a) My former drums teacher in Yamaha will soooo kill me when he sees me. I haven't attended my lessons with him since then. I was too lazy.xD. Let's just pray he doesn't remember me. RIGHT.
b) Musicademy costs a lot. And i know my mom will get so pissed if i enroll since my enrollment's here and she still has some utang to CSA that's why i can't get my report card. T_T

So that leaves me with SIIGE next year. Problem is, I don't know which to pick. I think violin will be a lot of fun with Ms. Cendana (Former guitar teacher but she can play the violin and piano too like WHOA) since she's the only teacher i know who teaches violin. With piano, i might get stressed and pressured again if ever i end up with Ms. Nicholas. Pray Not. >_> She's obssessive compulsive and absolutely a perfectionist. But still.

UGH. I have the whole summer to think about this.

But if ever i take piano for SIIGE, then i can always have nichie to teach me the basic violin stuff. It'll be a whole lot funner playing the violin with your bestfriend right? :D

And if ever i take violin instead of piano, then it will be so cool to have Ms. Cendana (hopefully) Since she's awesome in the guitar, piano and violin. She's a frickin genius! And i could go self-teach myself but i know i don't have the patience. xD.


RAWWRR. Anyways, i discovered 3 things about myself:

1) I'm Naive.
2) I'm Impulsive.
3) I'm Impatient.

Insomnia.

Ugh. This is frustrating. Damn Insomnia. I want to frikkin' sleep! RAWR.

I've searched about it and the causes are:

a) Anxiety.
b) Stress.
c) Depression.

Errgg. What the hell. I suffered those...before. Right now, i'm somewhat recovering. It's summer anyways so i don't have as much problems. But still. Insomnia. ARGH. Why can't i just get rid of it? Okay, i do admit, there are still days when i still get sucked into my thoughts, getting all contemplative and nostalgic, then possibly getting sad afterwards. I'm Bipolar remember? xD. I have these massive mood swings. But still, it didn't use to be the depression i used to suffer. It was far worse. BUT WHY CAN'T I JUST SLEEP?!

Rawr.

And why do i keep living in the past?

I'll leave this as a vague post. I'm still annoyed with my Insomnia since i've had it ever since FOREVER. Ugh. I'm so tired of it. :/

...

5 am and i'm still up. No Surprise. Anyways, i stopped by my xanga site and edited it with a new layout. But as predicted, i went nostalgia tripping, again. Those entries were...Ugh. Full of Memories. But now they seem so far away. And the pictures in my Multiply, ugh. I miss those times.

I wish i could go back. :(

But moving on, Thank You.

These words are my heart and soul

Back from Trumpets Day 05 (or 04, whatever)

I'm still feeling off :/ A bit, sort of. Or maybe i'm just drained. And i feel awfully tired. Stupid Insomnia. Ugghh.

So Trumpets wasn't much. Just a couple bunch of games and crap. Mostly on acting. Ugh. Of all things. I suck so bad at it. Dx. The losers had to crawl under the winners. WTF. And yeah, i did that.xD. Break time, Dippin Dots. Heavenly, as always. My mom was there though. o.o Being all obssessive compulsive, as usual.

Hhhhmm. The last activity is that letter thing. I didn't participate. You know me, totally no self-esteem and confidence. Yes, i'm a loser.xD. Plus i didn't really feel like it since i was so bloody tired that time. But i was thinking, it would be some sort of nostalgic letter. Then i'd go bursting into tears or whatever. It just takes someone to make me cry. I was thinking that letter would come from him. Denise was so frickin' good. Peyton Sawyer-ish. And Jebbie, WHOA. She frickin threw the chair! xD.

The good part about today is, I GOT MY FRICKIN' VIOLIN! YESSS! WOOOTT! :]

It's so frickin' pretty. xD. Yesss. Very. It's the one i saw in JB Music the other day. :)) Now, if only i knew how to play it. I shall self-teach myself first. Mhhmm.

Out now. I'm feeling exhausted.

...

My arms, fingers and shoulders hurt. Errggg. I was trying oh so desperately to play the violin. It's been soooo long since i last played it with Nichie's violin. Now i'm frickin' tired. But contented with today's practice. I just have to get used to the bowing and all.

I still dunnoes what to wear for the stupid pictorial on Tuesday. I really can't find a character i'm supposed to be wearing as a costume. Ugghhh.

And my earphones are broken :(

....Again. :((

It's like my 5th or 6th earphone. Rawr.

Hafta go!

RAWR. [Edited]

Fucker.

RAAWWRRR. I'm so frickin pissed with this computer. Ugh. I worked so f-ing hard for that layout. It took me 3 hours man! Then WTF, the window just closes like WTF without even saving my layout! GAAHHHRR. T_T

It was such a pretty layout. :(

And it had many pretty stuff too :(

Oh what the hell, get over it. But...3 HOURS WORKING MY ASS OFF THAT THING THEN IT JUST GOES KAPOOF! WHAT THE HELL MAN!

Will edit after working on layout, AGAIN. And hopefully this time, the computer won't bitch around. T^T

...

So here's the layout. Nostalgia. I rushed it up since, you know me, i'm impatient. And it's frickin' 1 am. But that's pretty much normal for an insomniac like me so yeah. But still. It would've been prettier. Imma edit it and add more stuff soon. I'm having a frickin' migraine right now. Ugh. :/

Hhhhmm. Nothing much today. Just watched Nancy Drew. Then Martian Child. I'll have a DVD marathon later. I slept so looongg. Like, i slept 6 am then woke up 7 pm. PM! My bodyclock's seriously screwed up. Ugh. Ooohh! I also got myself Canon, Ave Maria & Salut d'amour piano and violin sheets! Woot! Alright. Oh, i finished Romantic Princess too! Hahaha.

And my head still frickin' hurts. Ugh. I'm out. Too much HTML. :P

...

I'm feeling off today. :/

I didn't know i could be that shallow. Like seriously, have you ever cried all because of some dumb movie? I just did. Errgg. Hormones. Dx. Am i really that shallow? Ugh.

And my mom's being all pushy again. School's not that easy. I'm not a genius. Why does she have to pressure me to become what she wants me to be and not what I want to be? Urgh.

And i'm feeling off today for some unknown reason. I really don't know why. And i'm a bit nostalgic today, well, sort of. I don't know if i'll ever get to shrug off this habit. It's somewhat inevitable or maybe i'm just vulnerable.

...I have to sleep. I have Trumpets later. Ugh. Stupid Insomnia.

EDITED.

GAWWW.

Too much musical prodigy videos can make you feel inferior. But at the same time, amused and inspired. I had another "musical prodigy" marathon (as call it) over Youtube. Effing Nosebleed. xD. I want to frikkin play like them. I reallyreallyreallyreally wish i started early in learning the piano. Then the violin. Right now, i'm still deciding if i'll pursue piano or start learning violin for my sophomore year. ERGGG.

And i finished La Corda D'Oro Primo Passo. Wahaha. Yesss. That's why i feel so inspired to play the piano and violin right now. Gawww. Hino has captured the hearts of ALL the Bishounen guys. T^T wonder who she'll end up with. Hhhmm. There better be season 2! Garrr.

I started reading The Witch of Portobello and ditched Just Listen aside. Boahahaha. xD. It'll wait. So far, i can't really grasp what the book's about but i'm getting there. AGH. I want to read The Alchemist. And by the something river i sat down and wept.

LALALALA. I'm being incoherent again.

Chowpan LOLOLOLOL. xD. Self-Injury Community. LOLOLOLOLOLOLULULULULUL. xD.

Okay. Reeeaaalllyy Random of me. What do you expect? I'm on my insomniac high mode. Yesss. xD. West Side story is effing gay. I feel pretty, oh so pretty! AND GAYYYY! Wahaha. I wonder if we'll perform that for Trumpets. >_>

Fine, i'm going. I shall edit this later to talk about Trumpets Ramblings.

...

Irony, as always. xD.

Okay so i'm back from my 4th (but actually 3rd) session in Trumpets. In the MRT going there, i was listening to freakin loud screamo (Ambrosia by Alesana) on my iPod and the people around me thought i was a mad woman. xD. You should've seen the looks on their faces, they were so weirded out by me. xD.

While waiting (Since that door dood is so taray :P) Me andDenise talked about random Stuffs like: Ms. Cadano (I have seriously no idea why we ended up talking about her.xD.) Some of our batchmates *insert smug face here* and Sir Legazpi's iFuck stare.xD.

Hhhmm. We had some dancing in the first few parts. Then had some acting. Lotsa Laughtrips. xD. My class is so funny. xD. That Bolo (?) dood is so kulit. Also his friends. xD. Then afterwards we had to do a commercial. I ended up with Faye and Legrand. And WTF, I didn't know Legrand was a 7th grader from CSA! Wahaha. I shall see him in HS next year.I knew it, he looked so familiar and his name sounded familiar too. And he effin knows about Ms. Cadano. WAHAHAHA. xD. Hhhmm. I was really surprised to find out he was Batch King pala. o_o

So on with the Commercial, Faye thought that Cheese was a good product so we all agreed on it. xD. Legrand played Mickey Mouse. WTF. Then yeah. We did some retarded things since the commercial was supposed to be retarded.xD. All the performance were hilarious, i just kept on laughing my ass off. xD. They act so sarcastic that it's so funny already.

Quotes i remember: (Trust me, there's a whole lot more, i just forgot :P)

Denise: The Magic Mirror can also predict the future!
Guy in Glasses: When will I die?
Magic Mirror dood: NOW!

Me & Faye: Introducing....Better Cheddar Cheese! *spirit fingers*
Legrand as Mickey Mouse: *Insert squeaky sounds here talking about Cheddar Cheese*
Me and Faye: *Jingle* Better Cheddar, Put it in a bun, Eat it as you please, Let it melt in your mouth and you could add more cheese!
Together: *Spirit Fingers along with Retarded faces*
Legrand: FREE MICKEY MOUSE PLUSHIES FOR EVERYONE! xD.

Guy in hoodie opens box of present, gets terrified.
Class guesses what his gift was.
Some person shouts: MIRROR!
Everyone laughs their asses off. xD.

Promil Commercial. Frail girl at start, then after drinking Promil, WTF, she became a MAN! A BIG MAN! xD. Emman replaced her.xD.

Guy in hoodie steals bag, Rants how miserable life is or something like that, Sarcasm Sarcasm and more Sarcasm. Funny crap. xD. His acting was so funny. xD.

Hhhhmm. There's a whole lot more to that. Lots of Laughtrips. xD. Yesss. Very. xD. After that, our teachers were being critics and all. My comment was only that i was shy. Well, i expected that. It's inevitable. It's part of who i am.

Then we had this machine thing. I thought it was cool, it was sort of like an orchestra thing. The sound we created was amusing.

Going Home, I passed by JB Music in SM to check out how much a violin costs. The cheapest one was 1,690 pesos. Hhhmm. Fair Enough. Not bad. I still don't know if i'll be able to save for it. I shall starve this summer! All for the sake of the violin! Yesss. xD.

...

Gawd. Still can't decide on what i'll wear for the pictorial on April 15 for Trumpets. Eeehh. It's supposed to be something i'm not. I don't have a costume yet. I don't even have an idea of what i'm gonna look like. I'm quite considering those preppy crap. I can't think of anything okay?! Maybe i'll go preppy school girl anime version. HAHAHA. What the Hell. xD.

Coz you remind me of a time when we were so alive

[Currently Watching: La Corda D'Oro Primo Passo via Crunchyroll]
[Current LSS: Fantasie Impromptu Op. 66//Chopin]

Just browsing random short stories online and i stumbled upon this:

The Bum Deal: A Bum's Guide to Solitude

First, I would like to define myself. I am a bum, hermit, loner or introvert. I am a person who thrives on loneliness. I am a person who prefers the security of self-dependence and the solitude of my own silence. I am a person who enjoys the vague expressions that I am able to produce on other people's faces right after they see me. I enjoy sitting in the background and watching everything go by, ever so slowly. I ponder on things that need no pondering by other people. My thoughts are far ferom reality. My heart beats for no one in particular and I am best be at peace.But I haven't always been like this.

There was a time when I had friends. When people looked at me and saw someone worth spending time with. When minds were expecting something more from someone as unlikely as me. There was a time when voices were seasoned with pure interest and not the "plastic" glances they now throw at me. Oh, those were the days. But not anymore.As a good friend of mine (now also one of those who abandoned me) always said, "The only thing permanent in this world is change." And I believed her. It was a truth that couldn't have been said any other way. The change in my life was not as drastic as all of you might be thinking right now. Although the comparison is quite inevitable, I can say that it's not at all different.

What happened? Well, ironic as it is, I found friends.Yes, I found friends. You see, I was a loner long before I realized I really was. I have been by myself for so long that companionship didn't matter anymore. Then came the friends I thought would change my life (actually they really did). They let me fit in so easily that I thought I was really finally a part of something. The sense of belonging was fulfilled. It felt so comfortable to be with them. I started lowering my walls, loosening the grip on the guard I always held up.

That was my mistake.Just when I thought it was safe to show them who I really was and how I truly felt inside, it was then they decided to drop me. I felt like a crustacean, slowly wanting to move out of my old shell but harshly forced back in. I felt like an old toy, ready to be thrown away when the next best thing comes out into the market. It was nothing I was prepared to face.

I realized that I had become a parasite. I could no longer survive on my own. I needed people around me. Silence was as deafening as a loud roar of thunder. my life revolved around the people that made things happen. I no longer knew who I really was. I no longer cared.It was society's acceptance that I craved.But life is filled with unkept promises and broken relationships.So I took my guard back and built a higher wall around me. I was like the man living in a coconut. I never wanted to be seen or heard. I decided to keep my thoughts to myself. Nothing could compare to the devastation of a sense of belonging. The pain that grasped my throat never faltered and the unescapable feeling of prejudice still haunts me. The bum is back.

Everyone knows the saying,"love is sweeter the second time around." Well, I want to introduce another kind of quote:"Walls are stronger the more it is reinforced. The more people bringing you down, the more you guard yourself up."

As a bum, experiencing belongingness and then being dropped like a hot rock was enough to tell me to stick to the status quo. Being an introvert doesn't mean you don't want to associate with other people. It simply means that you prefer an exclusive insight from a safe distance. It doesn't need be categorized as an outcast but as one who lives in understanding with oneself. A person who thrives on separation and loneliness is a person to be admired. It takes courage and strength to keep quiet in the midst of criticisms, in the midst of back bites and even face-to-face head-butts. It's a great deal bigger to be alone and not go crazy and to be in a crowd without really "existing".

That's a bum's life.So friends, I tellyou, a bum is not an ordinary person. There is a story behind every hermit. There are those who have been to the top yet chose to be left alone and there are those who have been there but haven't really been there at all. Don't judge us because we don't fight back. See through the subtle expressions on our faces and believe everything I have told you.I am a bum not because I didn't have friends. I am a bum because I had friends...and they taught me that life is better being a bum.

...

Damn. I am having these major cravings to write something so well-written (LOL Redundant) GAH. I want to finish Just Listen already so i could get started on The Witch of Portobello. I must read ALL of Paulo Coelho's books. These books are like my therapy or something. They make me contemplate about a lot of things. GARRR. Major cravings i tell you. I want to frikkin buy all his books naaa. I'm so impatient. I know. And i hafta buy a lot of books paaa. Soooo much. I have a lot on my list but i don't have the money to buy. Garrr. And i really really really want to write. And when i say write, not the type of things i write. I'm a noob at it. x].

Okay, so i'm feeling a bit insecure. I just wish i could write something so nice. Not the noob type. xD. And i want to play the piano very well. GAH. I wish i was a musical prodigy. xD. I want to play it with such strong emotions. I want it to be evocative. I want my fingers to just play freely, without much effort, and as you play the keys, you get sucked into it. You know, that kind of feeling. GAWW. I really am not good in defining things. I've got poor grammar and vocabulary. I want to frikkin learn more words. I really wish i could write well, that i could let the readers see what i'm trying to say, as accurately as possible.

Beh. Whatever. I just got sucked into my train of thoughts again.

Right where I belong, inside this sad, sad song

Thank God we're so over that thing.

And that thing is today's Talent Show at Trumpets. Seriously. Today's just like, our 3rd session. It effin felt like Auditioning for this big singing competition. LOL. Well, it sort of felt that way at first. Me and Jebbie kept on freaking out. And Justin was being a bully. RAAAWRRR. xD.If he was there, i would've punched the crap out of him.

Denise was completely apathetic. She wasn't nervous, AT ALL. Well, she and Jebbie both have Experience anyway.xD.I don't. So yeah, i was scared. There were random girls talking to us too, they were nervous aswell. There's this girl, her name's cherry (?) Yeah. She kept on gushing about Paramore. I just kept on trying to remember the lines of Franklin, it was the song i was going to perform.

We had some vocalizations at first. I couldn't reach the high parts neither the low parts. I sucked so bad at it, i was really out of tune.xD. Before the performances, i talked to random girls, asking their names, what they're going to sing and okay, okay, i was freaking out.xD.

All throughout the performance, Me and Jebbie kept on freaking out. Trying to NOT be nervous. Denise was seriously not nervous or whatever. We tried to be like her. Oh yeah, we tried. The performances were okay, and there were some guys being all retarded and gay. They danced so...LOL. So it sort of comforted me knowing that i was not the worst after all.Haha.

Denise was up first, and i loved her song, Street to Street. Her voice blended really well with the guitar. Then Jebbie was next. If i was in her place, i couldn't sing that Kate Voegele song. It's too effin high for me. And it's too hard. But jebbie was able to do it. Then a couple bunch of people, then it was me. UGH. I totally screwed up.xD.I was shaking like hell while singing and i didn't hit some notes right. Daang. My practices were a hella lot better. So yeah, it felt mediocre :/

Break Time, we didn't eat. I was broke eh. Denise, Me and Jebbie jammed to My Heart and Misery Business. Weeee. I tried doing screamo. Wahahahaha .xD. I kept on laughing because we couldn't reach Misery Business. It was funny when denise was trying to do the high parts of random paramore songs.xD.

For the last part, we had this game. LOL. Funny crap. We effin broke 3 chairs. 3 CHAIRS MAN!! xD.Then it was over. FINALLY. I could finally breathe. At least i'm over that. :P

Going home, i passed by SM. Went to Comic Alley to buy La Corda D'Oro Primo Passo but they didn't have the DVD of it. :/ So i went to Power Books. I was so broke but i couldn't resist buying Paulo Coelho's The Witch of Portobello. And in the MRT, The sunset was so effin pretty. I wanted to take a picture of it so badly. The hue of the sky was so beautiful along with the moon. GAH.

Well, There goes my Tuesday.

AND I DIDN'T FRIKKIN' RECEIVE MY REPORT CARD. WHAT THE HELL. Mom just called. Erggg. Stupid Clearance Forms. I still owe some money to whatever. And wtf, Ms. Cadano never told me anything about it! GARRRR. T_T

BAACCKK!

Okay. Kuhala Bay Resort, Cardona, Rizal. That's where i just came from.

And i'm too lazy to narrate so yeahhh. Imma post random pictures. And my camera's still messing up. It still blurs everytime i take pictures of people. So yeahhh.

I woke up 5 to catch the sunrise in the roofdeck. Oh it was so amazing. My first sunrise this summer.

I tired catching the sunrise, literally. But it was too big eh. xD.

The view from the mountain top was nice. And yes, i was wearing a jacket even though it was hot. Well, it was morning so it was a bit cool.

I roamed around during the morning. It's a pretty small resort but it has awesome views. I went by the brigde and saw a fisherman. He caught a tilapia! Hahaha :))

I caught the sunset! Muhahaha. If only i could eat it :))

Okay. I'm too exhausted to even blog about this. Siighh.

Updates:

-I'm actually on a diet. Can you believe it? I DON'T. Haha. But seriously. I think i got fat over the school year over some issues. I indulged myself in food whenever I was troubled or something.So yeah, it made its' way into my thighs and my face, and augh, i feel horrible just thinking about it :/ It's gonna be hard though, I love food. :P

-Gawww. Exactly how long is Romantic Princess? It's a pretty nice Kdrama. Jin is sooo hottt :] Cai's pretty cute too :P

-Done with Paulo Ccoelho's The Zahir. Oh my, i just loved it. I am now halfway on Sarah Dessen's Just Listen.

-Currently missing someone. :[ And those songs have been playing everywhere i went.

-Trumpets feels like school. I don't know, when i think of it, it takes too much of summer. I don't know if i'll get stressed about it. I mean, it's thrice a week for the whole summer. It effin feels like summer school. Oh well, i'd rather be there anyway. At least, i have something to do. And i wouldn't be so alone. But still. I need a break, a real one. A getaway.

-My mom's being...my mom. Augh.

-I need a life. :/

...

We can't go back

Squee. :]

Trumpets was funnnn :D

Yeahhh. It felt weird at first though. Denise and Jebbie were the only people i knew since, duh, they're my batchmates. The other kids are pretty cool too. They're so fun to talk to. Funny People. xD. At first we had to run around like complete psychotic retards. Then we had to freeze.

Then we had this runway crap. Boahaha. I felt so retarded that time. Then we had to say one word about what we expect. I said happiness. Eh. I didn't know what else to say.

Then we had to dance around like wasted idiots. xD. Wahahaha. It was fun though. I felt so gay being there. xD. After the idiotic dances we had to compose our own song. My group was so funny. xD.

They were like, GLOBAL WARMING! AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH! POLAR BEARS! PENGUINS! Bwahahaha. It was laughtrip with them.xD. The tune was effing ABC. And our lyrics were like so Emo. EMO POLAR BEARS & PENGUINS! Nyahahaha.xD. Yeahhhh. There were 2 funny guys in our group. I couldn't stop laughing. Our group's very active and spontaneous. Fun people. xD. Our lyrics were something like:

Why is it so unfair?
How come you don't care?
Days go by and still i find
Horror and Agony on my mind
Please cease using CFCs
So we will be at ease.

LOLOL. It's such a lame song. But we enjoyed singing it though. Emo lyrics. Hahaha. That's not the exact lyrics, just the random words i remembered.Haha.Then we had some break time for 15 mins. Weeee. Denise, Jebbie and I ate some dippin dots. They effin cost so much. It's so small pa. But it was worth it. It tasted really good. Then we had to be paired after. I paired up with omg, i forgot her name. It starts with a K though. That's all i remember. And she's from Poveda. Yeahh. We had to mirror each other's moves. I really didn't get the point of that activity. :/

After we had to like copy each other's moves. Then some "Volunteer" (LOL) would try to guess who the leader was. Eh. It was a bit tiring. We kept on doing the same dumb things. But whatever. Then we had to Explode. LOLOL. xD. I didn't. Well, sort of. I lacked energy to explode.xD. I was like, WEEEEE in a monotonous tone. xD.

Yeahhh. Then it was over. GAH. I won't be there on Saturday. Bummer :/ For tuesday we have to perform. GAHHHH. I dunnoes what to sing! D: I'm SCROO'D! Pray not that i humiliate myself, please. I still can't decide on what to sing. I'll be preparing. Weeee. Pray that i have the guts to sing. I don't think i have. >_> I can't act or dance either. Wahahaha. I'm such a loser.xD.

Afterwards, i went to SM. I bought myself some skinnies since my fat ass won't fit my old ones. :/ Then i got broke. GARRRR. I had 1000 and i spent it on skinnies. And a hoodie. GAH. I'm so dumb. That's my only money left! Garrr. And i bought magazines pa. I'm so impulsive. :P

Oh well. Bataan tomorrow. WEEEEE. Gah. I'm still nervous about the whole performing crap. But so far, Trumpets is nice. The people there are awesome and fun to talk to. It felt so nice to be with other people aside from people at school. It was nice to meet some new faces and personalities. I'm quite tired of CSA. :/

GTG. I shall pack my bags and prepare for Trumpets.

...

GARR. As expected, my luck is always bad. We're not going to Bataan anymore.BOO. :/

But we still are going somewhere in Rizal.Agh.Damn. I just wanted to go to the beach. Not some stupid resort. Agh. Such a bummer. I'm still attending Trumpets on Saturday which is a good thing. But still. I want to go to the beach. :/

And i still haven't decided on my song yet.

and i know that we're gonna be fine

Squee. Mom's officially leaving this laptop to me. Wootness :]

Now i'll be sane this summer. Mwahahahaha. Okaayy. So here goes the updates:

-Mastered Love Song in the piano, with voice accompaniment.
- Am currently practicing One Republic's Apologize on piano.
-Oh i so want to do covers right now.
-Been reading fanfics lately.

-Finally Finished Eclipse. Rawr. I'm somewhat annoyed with the book. LOL. I don't know why. :/ So. Bella's in love with Edward AND Jacob. I would die to have Edward Cullen love me, Bella. Jacob's a great guy alright. I think he deserves Bella too. But i think he deserves someone better. And i believe that Edward and Bella are perfect for each other. If Bella doesn't think of it that way, I shall steal Edward Cullen from her. BOAHAHAHA. xD. Edward's just too nice, too sweet, too caring, too everything, too perfect, TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. No one can compare to him. YESSS. And I can definitely imagine Robert Pattinson playing him. Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen = Luff <3

I've been having Nostalgia Attacks and it's been killing me. Urgh. As expected, being idle drives me insane. Am i bipolar? Seriously, i think i am. LOL. No, seriously.xD. Oh, i just don't understand myself sometimes.

Okay, i'll stop. I'm being vague. And yes, i'm being incoherent again.

...

OMG. The Jonas Brothers' When You Look Me in the Eyes is now my LSS. Gah. I've known this song for a long time before it even became mainstream.Then out of nowhere when i flipped to myx, it was playing. Then i suddenly fell in love with it again. xD.

Now i'm practicing it in the piano. Oh my, i am so going to do a cover of this. Definitely. I just have to get a decent piano sheet. I could do the left hand chords but not the right hand yet. Plus, the song is PERFECT for my voice pitch. Not too high, not too low, not too pitchy or whatever. It's perfect. And i could sing this with genuine emotions since it reminds me of someone. And when i do a cover of it, i shall dedicate it to that someone :]

...

Still haven't gotten any proper sleep due to Nostalgia, again.

My Nostalgia Attacks have been getting more frequent. Every single night i remember the same things, the same memories. And it pains me every time. You feel nostlagic yet at the same time, pained, because now they're just memories you can't run back to, and you feel so alone.

Ugh. I terribly miss those days. Maybe if i hadn't overreacted, everything would have still been the same between us. Maybe if i tried to look at it at a wiser perspective, we'd still be hanging out. Maybe if i didn't take it too seriously, we still would've been great friends and god-knows-what after. Things wouldn't change, if i still stayed the same. If i didn't try to be distant from you. To be so far away.

I was so stupid. It's a big mistake.

But i was distancing myself, because i know, i'll lose you. And that it would hurt me more in the end if i was still attached. But i guess i was wrong. I should've maintained our friendship. And even though we weren't as close as before, at least we'd still be friends. But no, i was dumb enough to make myself so far away from you. To forget you. Though it has its' pros, i still regret it.

Stupid Computer. Why does it have to be infected by a virus?

I tried opening it today. But nothing. I was trying to look back at our conversations. They were so full of life, i remember. The feeling i had every time i talked with you, it was undescribable. It was such a great feeling that nothing can compare to. And how i missed those feelings. And those conversations. But they're nowhere to be seen anymore. They've all been erased. As much as i want to read them all again, they're gone. Our once beautiful memories, vanished. It's the only thing i have of you, but now they're gone.

Oh it would just be so great to see those talks we had. How every moment felt like i was on top of the world. Just by talking to you. But now they all seem so far away. They all have just become distant memories of what used to be.

I want to experience them all again.

I'm feeling pathetic now. UGHH. Thanks a lot. :/