Without You, I Lose Everything I've become

Before i begin with anything else, let me just say that David Archuleta is so effing HOT. The dude is so charming when he sings! Kyaaahhh! You're my American Idol! xD.



Okay.Well that was some serious fangirlism there.Hahaha.Now on to more serious things...



I received my yearbook this week.Nostalgia.Siighh.My write up was so effing crappy.I can't believe i wrote that piece of crap.Live like there's no tomorrow MY ASS. Look at what i've become. I'm nothing compared to the me before. I'm way worse now.



Lately i've been feeling incoherent. I can't seem to get a hold of myself. I can't seem to put myself together. There's this feeling i can't shake off no matter what i do. It's been really bothering me. I can't explain. It's....hard.



And I OFFICIALLY HATE HE. All thanks to Gian and my jackass groupmates, i now officially hate the damned subject. They're making it so hard for me. And i fucking hate it when they say that i'm PMS-ing. I'M NOT. Gian's special mention only because he's one helluva sunavabitch. He seriously does not know when to shut up. Conceited crap ass. He has no respect, at all. And my other groupmates keep on fucking around that's why Ms. Racadio keeps on singling our group out for being the rowdiest, noisiest and messiest. Fucker. I regret giving them a grade above 90. They DO NOT deserve it at all. A BIG REGRET. Ms. Racadio said i should be more patient. How could i be fucking patient with these people?! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

Gahr. Now i'm feeling pissed again. Then we have HE again on Monday. GREAT. I don't want to fucking care anymore. Screw Them. I am seriously not going to do ANYTHING at all. NOTHING. Let them do their shit. Let's see how it feels like being pressured and frustrated and disrespected.

Ugh. I'm pissed. I just reminded myself how horrible wednesday went. HE was torment that day. I was so angry i just wanted to burst into tears and go all masochistic. I seriously wanted to beat the crap out of all my groupmates.

Okay. Calming down, i've realized that i think i've moved on. No, i'm dead serious. I do not care about Lindt anymore. So what if he's with Someone new? I don't care. It's weird because when i see pictures of them together, i don't get affected. Seriously. I force myself to think that, Hey, doesn't this hurt? Apparently, it does not. Not at all. Even i am weirded out with myself because it was supposed to hurt, but no, nothing. And i'm glad that i'm finally free from this mess. Finally.

As of now, i do not have a crush. Just some infatuation with Sano.And some dood. But that's all, nothing more than that. And it feels so great to be so free.

The countdown begins, a few more weeks, It's Summer. And i'm darn happy about it. Hell yeah.

Time is so....Fast.

Cause I Believe there's a way You can Love Me

OMG. Inferiority. I'm feeling Inferior and Insecure again. Eh. I don't like it.

I've been watching Piano and Violin stuff over youtube for the past few hours. My god. I wanna be that good. Really. You know what? I regret not starting piano in an early age. Coz maybe if i started playing it by the age of 3 or something, i could at least play something decent by now.

For god's sake even an 8 year old kid could play Canon!

I mean, look, i just started having piano lessons since this year, curently 13. See? If i started when i was 3, then 10 years later, i wouldn't be like this. By this age, i could play something beautiful to hear, something that would make my parents proud. Not some crappy nursery rhyme that i can't even play well.

And the violin. I don't even know if i'd have time to study it when i haven't even mastered a single piece in the piano! See? If i started when i was 3 years old, i could at least find some time to play the violin! Argh.

I've been trying to learn some songs in the piano over Youtube. Trying. Ugh. I feel horrible. I bought my keyboard like, what, 2 months ago? Yeah, and now i can't even play a single damn piece. And no, i do not consider nursery rhymes as pieces.

Hhhmm. That's it. I'm soooo taking Piano seriously.

Inferiority sucks. Though i dunno, i still want to learn the bass and violin. I will learn the bass and violin.

Oh yeah, the guitar. Well i started it like 6th grade or something so yeah. But still, i get pissed with myself when i can't read the tabs well. I mean yeah i can read them but i can't play them well, or i just don't have the patience to play it. So i give up on the whole thing. So yeah i never get to master playing that song. Aand the drums, what the hell i don't even have a percussion set at home! Taking that was pointless but i took it anyway. :P Hahaha.I was bored during summer okay?

Okay.

Hahaha.School starts tomorrow. My bob will humiliate me. Well, i don't know. I'm just scared of how people will react to it. Personally, i've grown to actually like this cut. Yeah, i know. After my consecutive bitching about it, now i like it? Yeah. I mean, i opted for a clean look anway. And well, this cut is clean. It makes me feel clean and neat. So yeah. And by the start of my sophomore year, my curly hair has already grown back! Yay!

I'm off to bed now. School shall start once again tomorrow. Pray that i make it. >.<

The Story Ends Without You...

Wheeeee.

Hahaha. I'm Bored. I'm glad there's no classes tomorrow. We need a break.

And about my haircut, i'm still not over it. When i woke up, it was like, WHOA. I did some research about hairstlyes. My haircut so does not fit my round face. I shoulda gotten a long layered kind of hair. Or maybe had it get some curls and volume or side swept bangs. But clearly, this is not possible for hair like mine. I should get it rebonded again. But i don't want to, i'll be all bald! You know, SHINY HEAD! I wanted to grow my curly hair back all year long. I've been waiting. I miss it, it was way better curly. At least, i could control it back then and it went along well with my round face.

Okay so i really think they screwed up on the Twilight cast. Seriously. The cast is just so wrong. Wrong i tell you! I am disappointed. I mean, i was totally cool with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson but the Cullen Family and Jacob? No way. I mean, i was fantasizing about Steven Strait being Jacob, he's perfect for the part! And they made Jasper gay. GAY. Now that's just wrong. WRONG. And I think there's someone better and hotter for the part of Rosalie. Alice is alright but i prefer someone else. Esme and Emmett are okay too. But Carlisle, i dunno. I want a hot daddy for his part. xD. But whatever, i might as well just watch the movie and see how well it goes.

And my birthday is near. I hope my kuya gets me a Lomo cam. I want a Lomo cam! LOOOOMMOO! Gah, it's the Perfect camera for a Photographer like me! -Or at least, a trying hard to be photographer-

For Summer, i'm planning to either take Violin or Piano lessons in Yamaha. Depends because i'm not sure if i'll be taking Piano or Violin for SIIGE next year. And i want to have a Summer Job! Really! I need money during summer. I go totally broke during summer. Dead broke. And we might be travelling to another country. I wanna go back to Hong Kong.Haha.But if i get my visa then we might go to Japan but the possibility is low. So we might end up in Singapore or something. I dunno.

And you know what else is weird? I just realized something this week:

I help everyone with their problems yet i can't seem to help myself.

This was pointed out to me by Francis when Me, Mico, Karen and Him were having some kind of Psychology talk during Monday. Well, i got owned.xD. I mean, the dude has a point. But really, i mean, my friends consider me as a psychologist/therapist/psychiatrist/confidante but really, i can't seem to help myself. I dunno.

Hahaha. I'm so Random. Random is my middle name. ;)

Whatever Tomorrow Brings, I'll be There

OMG.

I cannot believe what i just got myself into.

I HATE my new Haircut. HATE. Why did i even think of getting myself a haircut?! God. My life is so over.

Okay, so i'm the one to blame here. Not the hairdresser. Well, partly. I mean, i explained that it was only to be a trim. A trim! But cutting my hair more than 6 inches? IS THAT A TRIM?! No. Now i ended up with a Bob. A bob for God's sake! An f-ing BOB!

As if that's not bad enough,

My hair gets more fucked up everytime i get a haircut. Buhaghag.Now i know what to expect. Worst disaster ever. I mean, i did explain to the hairdresser that it should be halfway my chest and shoulder. But no. It ended up, above my shoulder. ABOVE. There's a BIG difference.

Now it's getting all curly. I'll have to tie it in a ponytail from now on. But guess what?

I CAN'T.

Because it's too short. Shoot me. Please. That has got to be the worst case scenario, ever. Oh my god. My life is so over. OVER.

...

I am currently trying to accept the fact that i was at fault for my new hairdo. And i still am trying to find a way to get it look more decent. In some way.

Anyways, i'm going Nostalgia Tripping right now. I miss the Old Lindt. He was so sweet back then. I mean, i actually thought that i had a chance on him. I actually had hope that well, he just might feel the same way about me. But i guess i was wrong. But you know? I had never felt so great. Well, i wouldn't say he's my first love, but well, i did love him. Did. I mean, i was such a fool for letting him lead me on. Coz seriously, i REALLY thought there was hope. I just had to wait.

I wouldn't say that i've completely moved on. I mean, it's been about nearly 4 months since things changed. But i'm proud that i'm healing, recovering and nearly moving on. But i admit, i miss you. I miss those times when we were together. Well, i mean, you know, together, as friends. But i don't know. It felt different.

You considered me as your sister and i considered you as my brother. We were that close. But now it seems nothing to you. But i have accepted that bitter truth. Also the fact that you love someone else. And i'm also proud for going through this by myself. I never showed anyone that i was suffering without you. Never. I was strong enough to keep this to myself and only myself.

I'm proud because no one knew how much heartbreak i went through. I've grown strong all thanks to you. I still treasure our memories because, in a weird way, it really felt like we were more than friends.

...

And 4th quarter is nearly ending. I might as well try to enjoy it. The last remaining months of Neko before he graduates and i never get to see my Bestfriend again. And so are the last remaining months of my Freshman year, is about to end. I might as well make something out of it.

I would Find a Way Without You

You know what would be so cool?

To be in two different places at the same time.

Awesome right? Coz if i did have that power then i wouldn't have to:

• Miss my first ever performance which is my Recital in Piano all for some stupid Field Demo practice that totally violated our rules as women with all the showy costumes and such.
• And have my Teacher sermon me on why i was too chicken to ask permission or why i had not told her my excuse earlier
• On which she swore to be a strict horror teacher for the remaining sessions of the school year that is seriously making me dread every Thursday to come, which is a really bad thing coz Thursdays are supposed to be good days.
• That sent me all teary eyed resulting to random people asking why i was sad
• When i was definitely putting on some big time facade, trying to conceal my tears.
• Like, seriously, am i really that fragile and vulnerable? That easy to read?
• So yeah, i really wish i had that super awesome power, then i wouldn't have to go through all this crap.

You said that You'd Die for Me, You Must Live for Me too

I've never really mustered the guts to tell you guys whatever will be written in this post.

But anyhow, i'd like to rant it out. They shall remain anonymous. They're for me to know and for you to figure out on your own.

1. Look, i'm sorry. I didn't mean to be bitching around or whatever, i was just having a bad day. I wish you'd understand that i'm on pressure. I don't want to lose you. You're my only friend in my class. The only person i could really consider as a real friend in my class. I've lost so much friends i would not want to lose another one again. So please, don't let this distance and agonizing silence between us prolong and eventually tear us apart.Please.

2. I really want to talk to you. We haven't really updated each other. I miss your company. I mean, you're my confidante. And i've been bottling everything up and it's been really driving me insane. I need you. I want to tell you everything, i want to rant them all out. Only you can understand me. But you seem to be busy with your new friends. I understand that but i just wish we could find some time to talk, just like we used to.

3. I really don't get you. I mean, how could you see right through me? How could you know me so well, completely? How do you break down this facade of mine? It's intriguing really. Am i really that easy to read? You're the only one who completely knows the whole me, everything i really am without the facade and everything else. The only one who truly knows me well.

4. Okay, i am offcially saying it: I am uncrushing on you. Ohmigod, my grammar. Well screw that aside. Okay, this is obviously for Apollo. Look, what i saw in you was, well, a major turn off so yeah, we're over. LOL. Hahaha. But i really want to Thank You for being my Jacob when i was in the darkest hours of my life. You were my remedy, my healing, my cure. Thanks for being there, Really. And i think the only reason i had a crush on you was because:

a) Well, i only thought you were hot and, well, i though you'd make a perfect boyfriend. Dude, you had all the characteristics of my dream guy.

b) You were my Jacob when i was really really really down. You healed me. You made my days worth living.

c) And okay, fine, you were a distraction to make me forget about Lindt.

5. I want to thank you both for being Sweet to me. (Yes, this is for 2 people) You make me feel warm and cared for just with your random acts of sweetness. I really appreciate them.

6. Lindt- You changed. And i hate you for being an asshole. What you did yesterday really made me feel disrespected. You used to be a gentleman. Dude, they completely changed you. I hope you go back to the person you used to be. You were way much more better back then. And thanks for the memories. I still don't regret them upto now even though you've put me through so much pain. It's worth it.

7. I hope you bastards learn how to respect people. RESPECT is all i ask for. Treat me like a girl not like some piece of crap. It hurts me you know. I have feelings too.

8. Look, i don't know what's going on with you or whatever okay? You're so hard to understand. Could you just give it up? I mean, how would I know if you never open up? I'm no fortune teller. Don't expect me to know everything. And if you do ask for help, isn't my presence enough to comfort you? The fact that someone listens to you? And if i do offer advice, it's the best i can. And what comes from my mouth is exactly what i feel about the situation. You're making it hard coz you don't want to tell it straight to me. I mean, how would i know when you keep on giving me mixed signals? Just know that i'm always here. But don't expect me to know everything.

...

Let me get the facts straight:

1. I hate my class.
2. I hate my batch.
3. And i hate my school.

...

Summer's near. And i'm REALLY glad this year's almost over. Thank God. My worst year ever is about to end. My worst yearlong nightmare is about to end. A few more weeks. Thank God. I'd prefer to be alone at home rather than be in the likes of someplace like my school. But i hope my sophomore year will be better. I really hope so. Though some changes will be really hard to get used to. I just hope i get through them.

My Heart is Yours to Fill or Burst

Okay. Fair's over. So I shall bullet:

• Lindsay visited
• Crush Mo Picture Ko Booth
• Boyhunting with Amanda
• Hanging Out with Andy
• Variety Show
• Fair King and Queen
• Connor Obsession with Baxter and Denise
• Joyce's Sando. LOOOOOOL. xD.
• Field Demo 0_O
• Sportsfest
• Ghost Hunting at night with Kit and Denise
• Crap
• Crap
• Crap

It was a lameass fair. I was idle all day. There was absolutely nothing to do. We just ate and ate and ate. It sucked that i had to miss the battle of the bands all for the stupid field demo.GAH. I felt harassed during the field demo. And to think CSA's a conservative school. Tsk tsk. It's like we left our virginity out there in the field or something. It's like our costumes were shouting, Rape Me! And the boys were....EEEWWW. It was traumatizing to be in that costume. I felt so conscious. SIIGE people are damn lucky. They didn't have to go through this crap.

I'm not sure if i bulleted em all out. I think i forgot some thing.I dunno.I'm too lazy. Not really in my blogging mode. I just felt the need to bullet. Whatever.

Why don't You Love Me?

As expected, this day sucked.

Of course i knew it would, it's Valentines. What's worse than a day dedicated to Love when it's the thing you're hating the most at the moment? When it's the mere thing you're running away from?

Reasons why i despised this day:

• High School is definitely NOT the place to be in for the brokenhearted. What's worse than seeing guys proclaim their love? Giving chocolates, roses, letters, teddy bears to their special someone right before your eyes? You know, it surprised me. High School is way different from Grade School when it comes to Valentines. The whole day i've been seeing the same scenario. I didn't really envy those girls, i was just bothered. Do you know that feeling? Seeing couples and such when you're Lovesick? It's worse when you're a hopeless romantic like me. It makes you even more sick. I admit, i found it really sweet and courageous. I felt somewhat out of place and somehow, it was reminding me of the Batch Party. UGH.
• I rejected his gift. I know. Go ahead, call me a bitch. But he's just so damn stubborn. He still doesn't get it doesn't he? And i didn't want to reject it either but hell, i think it's about time that he learned his place. I've been dealing with him for the past few months and i had enough of his persistence. It's about time that this painful reality should hit him. And i'm sorry but i have to do it. I feel awful for doing it but i had to. And you guys don't know how terrible i feel whenever i break people's hearts. You have no idea. I feel like i'm the worst person, ever.
• And what happens next to that is way much more worse. After everyone has heard that i rejected him, They started calling me a bitch. And they kept on sermoning me and trying to make me feel more horrible everytime they keep on telling me that i was being mean to him. You know what? Fuck it. I don't get it why i'm the bad person here. Being rejected is part of life, i hope you guys know that. I mean, why can't you guys just understand me? Try being in my place. You think i wanted that? Of course not. I DON'T like doing such a terrible thing. But what hurts me is, it's like i'm the bad person here. Hey, you think i wanted to hurt him? You think i didn't spend my time thinking what i'll do with him? How i was supposed to tell him that it's just not? It hurts you know. It's like they're the one who's mad at me when they're supposed to be understanding me. It pissed me off.
• I saw Lindt with her. Of course i tried not to look. I didn't want such a scenery to keep repeating on my mind, stabbing my heart more everytime i replay it in my head. But the fact that she's his valentine? I don't know. I'm sick of loving him. I really didn't care. I guess it's something i have to get used to.
• And the main reason why this day was bad? I felt unloved.

I tried keeping my cool the whole day. I tried to not mind anything. I tried to be numb. I tried to be indifferent. But second my second, that pain started growing in me. By the end of the day, i wanted to cry. But guess what? I didn't. And i'm proud i didn't. Usually i would cry over such a thing but now, i don't care anymore. I guess this proves i've grown strong. Siighh. I'm grateful that i've become so much more stronger and less fragile and vulnerable. I really am.

But i felt bad. Like i was worthless, useless. Like i'm unloved. Like i don't matter to anyone. That no one would care if i was here or not. I mean, who am i to you guys anyways? Have i made such a difference to your life? Do i mean anything at all? Do you appreciate me? Do you even care about me? Am i worth your time? Was I someone you would remember? Was i someone who made your life better? Or was i just someone who made it worse? Such questions kept me feeling more and more unloved. I felt unappreciated. Of course some of my friends are an exception but...i just felt so unloved.

I don't know. I'm just grateful this day is over. It's OVER.

Who's that Girl Living my Life?

Gah.This seriously sucks. I can't believe i'm taking a line from a Hilary Duff song. I'm even listening to it over and over again for god's sake! UGH.

Lindt's making me do crazy things. And i hate him for it.

When i first heard the news (ironically it came straight from his mouth.Yeah.JOY.) It never really affected me. Hell i didn't give a damn at all! The effect never really took off on me...yet. At first, it felt shocking but that was just it. But now, it's slowly inflicting its' pain on me. AGH.

I DON'T WANT TO SUFFER OVER YOU AGAIN, LINDT. You have no idea how much pain i had to go over you. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. And you being with her makes me feel shattered, more than ever. It effing tears me apart whenever i see you with her. Hell, she doesn't even like you back like i do! I don't want to cry over you again, i don't want to waste my tears over you again. But the tears are just here at the corner of my eyes, ready to fall. And i hate you for making me miserable. I HATE YOU.

You've changed into someone worse. And i hate you for doing so. You used to be so kind, gentle and so warm and caring but now you're just one of them. They completely changed you. Now you've become a bastard. And i hate you for being one. But hey, it's your life, i should just leave you alone and let you live your life the way you want it. Who am i to you anyways?

I was just one of the few friends you trusted, your confidante. I'm just one of those who you used to ask help and advice from. Sometimes, i was even the bridge and the third wheel to your crush. I was the one who helped you with her. I was always the one who you talked with, until like what, 6 or 7 am? All those late nights we talked while i try to ignore my mom scolding me because i won't go to bed just to talk to you? All those times i made you laugh that your tummy hurt? All those times i made you glad? All those times i gave in to your burns? All those times i had to listen to your Love Problems, secretly longing for you to love me back?

All those times i had to be the fool?

I bet you don't even remember the time when we almost held hands, that made my heart beat recklessly. I bet you don't even notice the times when i gaze lovingly at your eyes while we talk. Those times when i discreetly try to hide a smile when we're close? I bet you don't even appreciate the effort i put just to look presentable near you.How many products i had to try? How long i fixed myself infront of the mirror to the point that i usually miss the bus that sends my bus mother screaming like a mad woman at me? How many times i had to fix my unruly hair just for the sake of looking neat near someone as god like and gorgeous and beautiful and perfect as you?

I bet you don't even care.

What are they to you anyways?

Now i realized what a fool i had been.

We've been so distant. You don't even talk to me anymore, Like i was never a part of your life, like you never knew me. Like i was never the one who was always there for you. You don't even bother greeting me a simple hi whenever we meet ways. You never bothered asking me how i was ever since things changed. You never bothered to simply be with me. And you have no idea how much it tore me apart. Those nights i cried over you, those days i was buried in melancholy. I bet you didn't even take notice how miserable i was those days. You were too busy loving someone new. You were too busy having the time of your life with her. While i was there, right before your eyes, dying.

I've grown sick of you.

And now that the pain is slowly starting to take its' toll on me, now that i've realized i was never and never will be the one for you, It's once again, shattering the pieces i've desperately tried to build these past few weeks. And i hate you for doing this to me. I was nearly over you, until she came along. That's when i realized how much i wanted to be with you, how much i missed you, how much i needed you, how much i longed for your love, how much you meant the world to me.

And i didn't expect this to happen. I thought i have recovered from such a tragedy, but no, the pain still lives on. And it's just grown worse. I don't know. I don't want to shed a single emotion over you. Not one. It's sickening. To cry over the same face, the same reasons, the same guy. I don't want to be so fragile and vulnerable to you.

...

I've been thinking, this is actually just some silly thing we encounter in our teenage years. And i shouldn't let it get to me. I shouldn't have been so attached. Regrets. Siighhh. Right now, i'm not ready to love again. Or whatever you call it. February 14 is close and i'm nowhere near ecstatic about it. I dread it. I'm not anticipating the idea of you giving her chocolates or a teddy bear or whatever you have in mind. I'm not excited about the idea of you guys being together on that day. I'll celebrate that day loving myself. Haha. Pathetic.

Currently i'm Lovesick. I don't give a crap about anything else related to boys or love or whatever. Sure Apollo and maybe Sano's an exception. But i'm alright. I won't dedicate my life to you guys. I'll take it easy, chill. I'll live my life, happily. I don't want to rush things. I want to breathe in as much life as i can. Only time can tell when i'll learn to let go and love.

Whatever makes you happy. I should learn to let go.

I'm just 13 for the love of christ! I've got so much more life to live, so much experiences, so much love to give, so much more! Now i'm starting to appreciate Ms. Mina's quote: "Don't give up the Sky for a Star" I don't know. I'll recover. I'll heal. I'm definite. I surely will. I'll stand up again, after all, i'm the Tough Weed.
...

My god, after reading this post, i feel so cheesy. EEEEWWWW. I'm like, so grossed out with myself right now. Those actually came straight from my mouth? Holy cow. o_O Whatever, i was just ranting my emotions out, i badly needed it at the moment. But now, i'm okay.

You've Become a Fragment of my Distant Memory

I can't believe i missed the recital.

Stupid Field Demo practice. I swear to God, i bloody practiced hard for that piece. And i had to miss it. Of all the damn things. Screw the Field Demo. I swear, it's Stupid and Pointless. I missed my first ever performance just for that dumb practice. It was SO NOT WORTH IT. I'm so bummed out. Gah.

I need a break. High School's murdering kids i tell you. Especially this 4th Quarter. Everything's so hectic and stressing. I don't even know how i'm surviving it. I just try to remind myself to be more chill. Well, it works. But i crack at times.

And, i'm starting to despise myself even more. I've been disappointing lots of people and hurting them too. But it was unintentional. Siighh. When will i ever learn? I'm really disappointed with myself.

I finished my song for Lindt. I swear, that will be my last song for him....Ever.

...

I still don't get it why people despise Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. Face it guys, no one could be Edward Cullen. NO ONE. No one could grasp the essence of Edward Cullen. No one could be as gorgeous and as beautiful and as perfect as Edward Cullen is. Deal with it. Robert Pattinson, in my own opinion, could be the closest thing to Edward Cullen Material. Give him a break for god's sake! I'll bet he'll do a good job being Edward.And Kristen Stewart is perfect for Bella's part i'd have to say. Gah. I'm psyched.

Does this Deafening Silence mean Nothing to no one but Me?

February 9.February 9.February 9.

It's been exactly a year. I still vividly remember what happened that night. I guess i'm still not over it. It was Traumatizing.

Batch Party.

Siighh.I regret everything about it.

Grade 7's Batch Party was Yesterday. I wanted to sneak in. Just for the sake of Nostalgia. But i couldn't. Siighh.

Prom's later. *Heavier Sigh*

Delusions.I wish i could go. It's just near our house. It's just in Renaissance for god's sake!

Will edit this ASAP. I'm out.

...

Alas! Internet! I'm using my mom's laptop, alright! Unlimited Internet! wOOOOOOt!

Now on to more serious topics...

Yes, the Batch Party. That bloody Batch Party. It sucked. Ugh. I don't even want to remember. I regret it. Every single part of it. And upto now, i still feel bad about it. If only i could take back whatever happened that night.

And Prom.Haha.I'm being Delusional. I want to go. It's in Renaissance. I could just walk there right now. But what the hell. We were even in Glorietta a while ago. It was so damn near, just a few metres away. But wouldn't i look like a fool for going there? Haha.

HE is driving me crazy. It's like no matter how hard i try, it's never enough. Like all your efforts are wasted into nothing. It's hard being the leader of 6 annoying guys. It's hard. We're the group with the lowest rank and believe me, it sucks. It's pressuring.

And 4th grading is stressing. There's so much events to happen and so much educational crap to do. It's Insanity.

Lindt, You Suck.

He's with Someone New.

I don't know what pushed me to feel like writing a song.

Okay. So Maybe, just maybe, Lindt had something to do with it. Maybe it had something to do with the news that he's MU with someone already. I know. It made me go like, WHOA. O_O

And no, i'm NOT Heartbroken. Seriously. I'm just...surprised. And i admit, it bothers me. I don't have feelings for him anymore but it just irritates me to know that he has someone new. I'm not really jealous or something, it's just plainly disturbing. I knew it. Everytime i make contact with him, it just gets even more complicated.

I got owned. xD.

And Valentines is fast approaching and it really annoys me. Seriously. Valentine's Day SUCKS. Everything about Love just makes me feel sick. Lovesick.Lol.xD.

HE is pressuring me. It's Frustrating being the leader. Especially when you have an ALL BOYS group. I felt soooooo inferior a while ago. We have the lowest grade among all the other groups. Why did Ms. even pick me as leader when i bloody don't know how to cook?! Ugh. And it's like no matter how hard i try to work for a high grade i always end up with the lowest grade. It's like it's NEVER enough.And it SUCKS.

It's Near. ;)

Love is the Beautiful One.

Sweet, Sweet Revenge.

I waited so long for this day.I was anxious to get back at him.Hah.It feels good.Sweet Revenge.I like it. ;)

And Lindt...I don't know. I don't want to be mataray. I don't want to be a snob. I don't want to act cold and indifferent around you. I don't want to be distant. But i have to. I can't let myself get hurt again. It damaged me so bad. It broke me. And i would not like that to happen again. It hurts everytime i have to act that way everytime you're around, i dislike it. But...I Miss You.

There's Hope. Lately i have been noticing Sano. Okay, so it's a codename (from Hana Kimi) I'll give a good codename sometime. And no, it's not a crush. It's just...infatuation. Of course i still have a crush on Apollo. But it seems that Me and Him are just...not. We're ...off. But i'm not expecting anything anyway, it's just a crush. Apollo still continues to make me happy. Sano too. So everything is fine.

And i will really make the most out of the 2 months left. The reality hasn't really sunken to me. I'm that Slow. xD.

And SIR ABODILES IS BACK!