THE BITCH IS BACK.

di ko na alam kung matutuwa ba ako o malulungkot o magagalit

nakakainis ka

di ko alam kung tunay kang masaya para sa akin kasi masaya na ako at moving on na ako

o sadya mo lang na magparamdam dahil medyo namimiss mo na ako?

di ko alam punyeta

ang sarap mong batukan, shet

fakshit ka

ang sarap mo talagang upakan

di ko na talaga alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sayo

naiinis ako dahil natutuwa ka na nagmomove on na ko

leche

ewan basta ako naiinis ako sayo

next time na makita kita magiging snob ako Hahahaha

tama lang sayo no!!!! BWISETTTTT.

nabibitter ako :((

eto din naman yung ginusto ko eh, na maging magkaibigan tayo... eh bakit parang ang dali mong iaccept tapos ako nahihirapan na tanggapin ang katotohanan :'(

maghintay ka at ipapakita ko sayo..... :|

---

i dont know how to act around you

your signs are all mixed up i dont even know how to react to them ffuuu-

i dont know if i should act happy/normal when you talk to me, be friendly as if nothing happened or be cold... fuck i dont know!!

i do know though that I WILL NOT make the first move

and i will make it look like i dont want to talk to you Hahaha badtrip ka kasi eh

and i will look like i am enjoying the company of others and i am too busy to give a fuck about you Hahaha

THIS TIME BABY I'LL BE BULLETPROOF. :>

wala na akong pake sayoooo takte!!!!!

TIGNAN LANG NATIN KUNG SINO TATAGAL SA ATING DALAWA. >:|

im just scared that all my attempts fail me in the end... FUCK!!!! Hahaha

I dont think so

either way, its win win

either we get back together... or we're friends

what fucking ever

i miss cuddling lol

ALSO!!!

god how annoying

mr. obvious boy is obvious

god i want to slap him

first in 'I never game...'

"I never told the girl that I like that I like her... currently"

WHATEVEEEEEEER

and like aldjaskldahsdkladh :|

then how IRONIC that when we draw lots for chachacha partners... i get him

OH GOD i immediately swapped with aila fffuuuuuu-

i think he knows tho, lol

REAL FUNNY, FATE.

wala it just pisses me off

everything about it and him

putangina fack

ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A BOSS. :>

whatever galit ako sa mga lalaki ngayon, k.

~manhater mode~

THIS IS WAR.

I will let you have a taste of your own poison.

one day you will hurt like i hurt.

as soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.

i don't want to base my worth and self-esteem on you.

no girl should ever chase after a guy.

the guy should do the chasing.

make him think twice, make him regret.

be a completely different person the next time you see him.

a much more better, improved, happier, prettier, more confident Ara. :)

make him look out on what he's missing.

you can be so much better than this, you know that.

be the strong and independent girl that you are. ;)

Smile, you deserve to. :)

Make him miss your smile.

Be that hard to get girl you were.

The girl who won't fall for anything because she respects and loves herself. She values herself and her worth. :)

BE THE FUCKING FIERCE BITCH

BE THE FUCKING PRIZE YOU WERE HOHOHO

Act like you dumped him. HAHAHA.

if he really cares about you, he'd come back on his own.

just give it time.

angry letters of an ex

Okay Gab.

I get it.

You don't need me in your life anymore.

You've proven that enough through your silence.

But when you promised me we could be friends, you could at least man up to that commitment.

Because all I see now is you being scared. You're resisting, and you're avoiding any kind of conflict because you don't want to get hurt. You think your pride would save this situation? No, you're only pushing away the people that love you the most because you're scared. You're scared of getting hurt.

I know that you're thinking of doing what's best for you, but at least feel for me, too? You're not the only one involved in this problem, both of us are. I've considered how you've been feeling and gave you your space, at least consider my feelings, yeah? It's been hard on me too, more so because I don't have a supportive family unlike yours. You're blessed, Gab, you know that.

I know it hurts for both parties but how about me? I know I sound selfish right now, but it's unfair that all I get from you is nothing. Don't you consider how much this is hurting for me, too? When I promised to still be your friend no matter what happens, I made a commitment to work hard for it because I know it won't be easy. But I've accepted it and I am doing my best in making this work out. I don't know if you've seen my vain efforts in wanting to work things out, heck, I don't even know if you appreciate the effort. This time at least, be a man and fucking stick to your promise.

I understand you're sick and tired of hearing shit from me and everyone else, I know you've had enough but at least save this relationship? I don't want what happened between you and Loise to happen to us. You mean too much to me Gab, even as a friend. I no doubt believe that we WILL be good friends. I don't want to be a stranger to you. Right now it feels like that because we have not spoken to each other in awhile and I am dying because all I really want is to talk to you like any other friend would do. Don't deprive me of communicating with you at least. I respect your need to be alone, I can give you that, I can go on days without seeing you, fine. But can we at least check up on each other from time to time? Support each other all the way?

When you told me you'd support me and help me through this, you meant that right? So at least, please, be a friend. I am slowly accepting that things between us will not be the same anymore and I respect your decision, but at least save what's left of us? I understand that you want to be left alone, have your own time to grow up and be happy on your own and to focus on other things in your life, but would a little reassurance from time to time be asking for too much? I just really want to make sure that I still do have a place in your life, Gab. That you're not completely cutting me off from your life. I want you to focus on other things in your life, sure, but would checking up on each other from time to time as friends really take up too much of your time?

I know that this is a difficult process and it might be a bit hard and awkward at first, but I promise it will get better in time. Just please be brave, Gab. For me. Have some courage and faith that we will be REALLY AWESOME friends if we just try. Just give it a chance. I'm not asking for us to be friends already, since I realized that the transition is not that easy. But we can start with small steps like chatting online, texting, or writing letters to each other once in awhile. I know we should not be attached to each other anymore, but friends don't give their friends the cold shoulder right?

I'm sorry for being so selfish and inconsiderate right now, you're probably thinking I'm a bitch but I'm just so hurt, Gab. It's unfair. I'm sorry for everything, too. I know I have hurt you, and I am sorry for my faults, mistakes and imperfections. I am really, truly, sorry.

I care about you so much. It's clear that I still want you around in my life, and I know you want the same thing too so a little help please? This can't be a one sided thing, it requires BOTH our efforts.

So tell me when you're ready to be friends. At least, SPEAK OUT. Because honestly? I don't even know what you want anymore.

Geez, why can't we be as awesome as Ted and Robin? They sure worked it out as friends. Why can't we? :/

So hey.

Please be a friend?

27

ugh.

stupid date.

it's just a stupid date.

it doesn't mean anything.

it's just like any other day.

GET OVER IT.

I am trying to be okay without you.

But it's been difficult.

I'm sure you saw my letter and my text.

Why won't you reply?

It breaks my heart so much.

So fucking much.

Goooooood. I just want something to distract me, to take most of my time. I want to be involved in something productive. I hate having so much free time.

I JUST WANT TO BE OKAY WITHOUT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND

BECAUSE I KNOW I DON'T NEED ONE.

FUCK, OKAY.

I USED TO BE BETTER THAN THIS.

I KNOW I CAN BE.

I CAN LIVE WITHOUT A BOYFRIEND.

I JUST WANT TO STOP MISSING HIM, BECAUSE I DON'T NEED HIM. I FUCKING DON'T.

GOD I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING VULNERABLE AND WEAK

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU SO MUCH

I HATE HOW YOU TURNED ME INTO THIS MESS

IT'S LIKE I CAN NEVER FUNCTION WELL ANYMORE

FUCK HAVING A BOYFRIEND. FUCK IT.

FUCK ME FOR BEING SO ATTACHED

FUCK ME FOR LOVING YOU.

TANGINA.

NAIINIS AKO PUTA.

PUTANGINA LANG TALAGA.

Sige lang. Ibaliwala mo na ang lahat.

Hintayin mo ang araw na hindi na ako ang hahabol sa iyo dahil wala na talaga akong pakialam.

Putangina mo. Gago.

Until then,

I will learn how to be happy

I will learn the art of being alone, the art of doing nothing

I will be okay

I can't wait for that day to come.

When things are finally okay between you and me.

And that's all I can do.

Look forward to it.

It will come.

That day when things are finally okay.

That day when we can finally be happy together.

But til' then, I will learn to love myself. To respect myself. To do what's best for myself.

I will have faith and trust in the Lord because he knows what's best for us.

Until then, I will have a good life.

I will learn not to entertain the pain.

And instead I will focus only on one thing: HAPPY.

things to look forward to this week:

1. collaboration with Timmy
2. date with joyce and darren
3. date with janelle!
4. celebrating with vick for his babble thingy....
5. visit nichie and have girl bonding
6. visit UST!!!
7. covering songs with dan!! jamming with block!!!!

FUCK OUR THIRD MONTHSARY.

if you love me, won't you let me know?

If you love me, let me know.

I can't be waiting on you forever. I gave you space for the sole reason that you needed time alone, to think, to mature - like you said.

But don't take me for granted.

Because when a girl thinks it's enough, she will leave you.

Be scared.

Be scared of losing me.

The scariest thing about silence and distance is not knowing.

not knowing whether you'll miss me.... or forget me.

All I get from you is... nothing.

Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman.

See how I'll leave with every piece of you,

Don't underestimate the things that I will do.

I hope you know that I trust you enough to let you go, to find yourself.

But don't keep me hanging on.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

It's hard to let go when I know you're EVERYTHING that I've been fighting for.

Reassure me. A simple "I'll be back soon." is enough to spare me from all these thoughts.

rolling in the deep

You don't know what I'm capable of.

MATAKOT KA.

hanggang kailan.

hanggang kailan mo ba ako pag-aantayin?

gano ba katagal para bumalik ka na sa akin?

paano na paghindi ka na bumalik sa akin?

hanggang kailan ba ako maghihirap ng wala ka?

paano na pag ikaw ay naging okay at ako hindi?

paghihintayin mo ba ako hanggang magsawa na ako at tuluyan na akong mawala sa iyo?

ang tanging hiling ko lang ay ang bumalik ka na.

---

Sana ma-miss mo ako ngayong gabi. Mag-isa ka sa Antioch. Bwisit. HAHAHA. Pero pakiramdam ko na okay lang sa iyo, at magiging mas masaya ka pa na wala ako roon... pero okay lang. Magpapakalasing nalang ako at kakanta ng mga malungkot na kanta. HAHAHA. SAWI. Pero sana, hanggang naroon ka ay maisip mo ako. Sana pagdasalan mo tayo.

....OKAY ENGLISH TIME. HAHAHAHA.

I miss you. I wish you'd come back to me. Soon.

I don't want to wait anymore, but I know I have to. I just hope the wait would be worth it in the end. The uncertainty of us just... sucks. But it IS possible. It's the only hope I hold on to.

What if you never come back? I just need some reassurance. What if weeks turns to months?

What if you completely forget me and move on? What if you realize you don't need me?

But I'm trying not to think that. I'm trying my best to trust that you WILL come back to me. I will have faith in the Lord.

Be afraid, Gab. Be afraid. HAHAHA. Be afraid of losing me. Seriously.

falcon

typhoon hit today

it was cray cray commuting home from taft

fun day though!

happy crush makes me happy.

been talking/bonding with him more. he's really cool. :)

dismissal was crazy!! procrastination at its' worst

bitchy englcom teacher made us do so much shit to pass

and so me and dan were cramming in the library, together with our intsoci groupmates, and ajhdsfhsjf power went off, it was raining hella hard (think: ondoy) no electricity in the whoooooole taft, people in andrew were FUCKED (they were stuck in the elevator) and me and dan still had to pass our papers by the end of the day.... WOW. =)) ON THE 15TH FLOOR PA DUDE. =))))

after procrastinating, me dan and bene ate. they're so funny. :)) bonding ahihihi. did i mention? i got kilig when i shared my umbrella with dan under the rain? HAHAHAHA WALA LANG MOMENT NAMING DALAWA. :)) ang saya tignan eh. cute namin. HAHAHAHA. jumping over puddles, lol. Ahihihi.

then yeah commute home was craaaaaazy. i was too scared to take the mrt/lrt home because of the crowd and it might like stop in the middle of the rail road and we'd have to walk, or i'll get stuck w/e. luckily i bumped into pat and her friend and they assisted me home.... and got dropped off in the 'makati' arch thingy intersection. rain was pouring hard, i was BROKE, i didnt know how to get home but.... walk. =))))) badtrip. it was too flooded though, gahd. :| so flooded i cannot walk through it with the fear of falling through a manhole :| so i got a cab, even if i had no money HAHAHA i called ate to bring money but then she wasnt there akdhskfdhfk so i had to run home under the pouring rain while making the taxi wait :|

and as for the guy who likes me... he wants to add me on twitter.

OBVIOUS GUY IS OBVIOUS!!! HIS TWEETS OH GOD. :| Badtrip siya saken. HAHAHA. Sorry nalang.

JOKE TIME

ANO TO, JOKE TIME?!

JOKE BA TO?!

BADTRIP!! BV KA!! ANG SARAP MONG SAGASAAN!!! HAHAHAHA.

NAKAKAINIS EH. =)))))) BWISIT. =)))))

Wala, tumawa nalang ako eh. Ano pa ba magagawa ko. :p At least concerned pa rin siya saken. WAHAHAHA. Stinistalk pa rin niya yung facebook ko eh. Aw. HAHAHAH. Pagbigyan na. =)))

Anyways today.

Medyo naging obvious na na may gusto sa akin si... K. :| =)))) Sus. Ang daming signs, dude. Tapos si bene OBVIOUS TALAGA. =))))) Hay. The last thing I need right now is a guy.... :| LEAVE ME ALONE~ Pabayaan mo akong magdusa muna HAHAHA di ko kailangan ng rebound ngayon, okay. =))))

1) He makes sure that I see him 'read' The Little Prince porkit sinabi ko sa tumblr na gusto ko siya basahin. Leche. =))))

2) HE ALWAYS MAKES SURE NA LAGI KONG NAKIKITA ANG 'ABS' NIYA. Talagang sinasadya niyang itaas yung shirt niya. Sige lang kuya. =))))) PASIMPLE KA PA EH. NAKAKAINIS. =)))))

3) He sat beside me today just to ask how things are going with my ex. AH BAKET, PROBLEMA MO? HINDI EH. None of your business. =))))

4) I checked his twitter... His latest tweet goes something like... If I tell her I like her, would she like me back? - DI EH. DI TALAGA EH. =))))

5) ETO NA ANG OBVIOUS. DI AKO TANGA. =))) Tinanong ni Bene kung okay lang ba sa akin if Kris hits on me. I FLAT OUT ANSWERED: NO. NO. NO. Yes, I said it thrice. I'm sorry, but I may be single but I'm not available. :| WAHAHAHAHA. Di ko kailangan ng rebound, leche. =)) Pabayaan mo muna ako, please lang. BV HAHAHAHA.

Sabi kasi ni Bene dahil nagpost ako ng pictures ni Kris... EH ANO NGAYON!! TRIP KO EH!!! =)))) Mga assuming. =))) Seryoso, bakit ako pa natipuhan niya. Sa lahat ng mga babae. =))) DI BALE SANA KUNG GWAPO EH. HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyways. Yeah. Dan is a fun happy crush. HAHAHAHA.

Medyo nagka ~bonding~ kami ng konti today. Hahaha.

He made kwento about his ex... sad story. long distance awwww. Sawi rin pala siya eh! And he gave me advice/tips from his point of view. Dan is cool. lol. But seriously, 3 to 4 months of no communication with my ex?! THAT'S CRAZY.

Anyways. Day 3! How long will I last not having any form of contact with him...

AND WHAT THE HELL WILL ALL THIS LEAD TO, SRSLY.

ANG SARAP BATUHIN NG PHONE KO. WALA NG KWENTA EH. NAGHIHINTAY SA WALA. =))))

ANG HIRAP MONG TIISIN NAKAKAINIS. Bakit kaya mo kong tiisin?! =))

He said he needs space and time alone.... and that's what I'm giving him. Sigh. Why can't he just chase me already and we can get back together and be happy like we were?!

Lots of people think I'm stupid enough to give up on him... because that's how much I love him. :\

BWISIT NA LALAKI.

WAG NA NGA

IISIPIN KO NA LANG YUNG HAPPY CRUSH KO, LECHE.

NABABADTRIP PA AKO EH.

PUNYETA.

Seriously?

I'm not even going to go down your level anymore.

I am tired of your drama. Makes sense as to why I blocked you on twitter right?

I need to cut off the vampires in my life. And you are one of them.

Jeez, I can't believe I'm even still following you on tumblr.

Fuck me? Well, go ahead.

If you have a problem with me, say it to my face. I am done with your backstabbing.

Why do you hate me so much?

I won't even dwell on something so stupid and shallow, it just upsets me so much.

And now I feel the need to contact my ex boyfriend but you know, that's not how it works. This sucks. I hope your boyfriend dumps you. You need to learn your lesson. You're a bitch, in case you didn't know.

The urgency behind the quiet resolution

I am a girl, but above that shit, I AM a woman. I take no shit from anyone else. I am independent, and strong willed, and conscientious. I will go out of my way to get things my way. I will never let my gender hold my ambitions down. I can do anything at all, if I want to, if I tried to. I am ambitious as fuck. I am headstrong. I am compassionate. I am smart. I am caring. I am intimidating, but only because I know my worth. I will never settle for less, because I know exactly who and what I am, and I know what I deserve. I will never back down, I will never sell out.

I am a woman, and if you're not man enough to realize that, well...

Sucks for you. You're missing out.

---

It scares me how one day, I could easily forget about you. Like everything I'm feeling now, no matter how strong they seem to be, no matter how I seem to feel the thought of you consuming my very heart, everything I'm feeling, every conscious thought running through my head, will somehow become muffled. Silenced. Forced to fit in with the background, become the white noise echoing in the chambers of my heart. It scares me how I won't be able to feel you, pulsing close to my very heartbeat, sometime soon.

I know I have no more choice other than accept what is to come and that's that. What I see in you, and the future in front of us, is oblivion. Nothing else, nothing more.

Isn't that sad?

Ignorance is Bliss.

That's it.

I'm cutting everyone off.

I'm tired of bullshit, tired of drama. I just want to be fucking happy for once.

I will be living the life of a hermit.

Cutting off all forms of communication.

I will slowly slip away and disappear.

I feel like deactivating everything online. Sigh.

Attempt social suicide. Death on the interweb.

I'm cutting off the vampires in my life.

I'm so tried of missing you all the time and feeling like shit because it's like you don't miss me at all. I am so tired of you bringing me down. Fuck your feelings, you never really loved me. If you did, you'd fix things with me in a heartbeat. You wouldn't give up on me.

...But nothing.

Screw you.

I just really hope you miss me.

This is killing me.

It doesn't help too that people are hating on you for hurting. IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO HURT? Okay, I get it that some people have it worse, but you have what you have. God, i don't even want to waste my time being upset over something so insignificant. You guys are fucking immature.

Just God. :| Find your way back to me, please. I can't be hurting all the time. I know you miss me. I know you need me.

The fuck.

Who needs love anyway?!

Fuck you.

This bitch is fucking awesome, just so you know.

You don't know who you're messing with.

I'm starting to remember who I was before you. I WAS AWESOME. Too cool to be committed. HAHAHAHA.

I don't need a boy to make me feel complete.

I should learn how to appreciate other peoples' love for me.

There are other people who love and care for me. I shouldn't neglect them/take them for granted. I should learn how to appreciate all forms of love, and just, let love in, you know?

I should learn how to love myself first. To do what's best for me, to gain the respect that I deserve.

Today is the first day I have not texted him. I don't know how long I can last but I know, each day will be a battle. I hope I drive him crazy enough he'll come running back at my door...

If not, then I hope the next few days/weeks will help me be strong enough to accept the situation and move on with my life.

THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

I DONT NEED IT

SCREW IT

I will be one very, very, very angry person from now on. Hate will rule my world. I will bitch about people all the time. I will be a bitch. I will listen to angry music all the time. I will be hardcoreeee. HAHAHAHA.

God, for someone who gives advice, I seldom follow it. HAHAHA. I should learn how to listen to myself and actually follow my own advice. Ugh just need my inner Blair already. I need to learn how to be a bitch again. I WILL GET EVEN.

It's going to be day in, day out from now. But I will sure as hell make it awesome while i'm at it. I will not let ANYTHING bring me down anymore.

don't be spineless, Ara.

Be tough. Be brave. Have courage. Have faith. GROW SOME BALLS.

You can't be dependent anymore.

Don't come running back to him everytime you're having a breakdown. Don't.

If he's going to be ignorant about it, YOU might as well be.

He's not worth it.

Don't expect anymore? STOP EXPECTING. You'll ALWAYS get disappointed.

I'd seriously rather be numb right now. The fuck I care, you know?

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. True story"

Seriously. Fuck this, and be awesome you know?

YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME AND YOU THINK I CAN'T LAST? /:)

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Keep Calm and...

dude there's ALOT to put there. Hahaha.

BE HARDCORE!!!! \m/

LIKE A BOSS.

BE LEGENDARY.

Be Fearless. :>

I shall be an adrenaline junkie now HAHAHAHA just to get me high and euphoric all the time @-)

I will be productive. I will run. Play tennis. Dance. Sing.

...also. Some people have it worse, Ara. Pray.

i've seen more spine in jellyfish.

I need to be brave.

I need to have courage.

I ask for strength and guidance from God.

I need to have a backbone. I am not spineless. I need to have a spine.

Think of it this way: You need time to heal. To recover. To stand on your own. To be happy by yourself. A chance to fix your life and find your balance.

And when you're ready, you CAN be friends.

You just need time apart. To grow. To cool off. Chill for a bit.

We both need time apart. And who knows, he might learn how to miss me!

You have to start to learn how to be independent again.

But see? The good thing is you CAN be friends! That you don't have to completely lose someone significant in your life! You CAN be friends. It just takes some time.

Everything will be okay.

YOU will be okay.